WWDD #2
So, many of you should have guessed by now that I came home to find out my wife was not faithful to me while down range. It was not a 'simple' infidelity either, but I won't discuss that here. It is kind of significant, though, in this moral dilemma I now face. I know of another soldier, family man, whose wife 'encouraged' my wife to do the things she did. I know that his wife has done more. He doesn't know a thing. He also has not been home on R&R but will be soon. I will be returning soon.
This is a terribly common problem.
This is a terribly common problem.
posted by Dorman at 04:41
14 Comments:
If you spill the beans to him, you will also be involved. If you have befriended this other man, you risk loosing his friendship by letting him 'in the know'. But, he deserves know. If he believes you.
Hang in there, man. As crushed as you are and looking her in the eye, you might want to give the other guy a head's up so he can adjust to the idea and get over the rage before he gets within reach of his wife on R&R. That's my bit of advice.
That has been my line of thinking too. I have to deal with this guy for at least another year intermittently. Ironic I wrote that entry about supporting soldiers families and spouses before I knew I was already a victim.
I just need to consider how to approach revealing this discovery when I get back to Iraq.
Yeah, that's a tough call. It all depends on your level of familiarity with each other. Too bad you can't just grab a bottle of whiskey, share your pain, and tell him to consider if it happens to him. I wish you the best of luck both with this issue and with your own personal pain. Take it easy, man.
Don't over think it. "On the fly" speaking is easier on you!
The thing I would do is when you see him, I'm sure he's going to ask how things went at home. That would be your opportunity to explain things as vaguely or as detailed as you want. Then kinda talk to him like your friend did to you before you found out. Kinda drop hints, but do it subtlely. If he's a smart man, when he gets home, he might have the desire to ask her if she has been cheating.
Or maybe through all of this, G feels a little guilty and maybe she'll tell her friend that she needs to tell her husband sooner rather than later.
Btw, Monday is your last full day home, right? I wanna give you a call before you go back. Let me know if you are gonna be around.
Email me how things have gone this week or talk to me on yahoo.
Thank you dancerat, unfortunately this was no 'affair' and things were done that can never be taken back, minimized, nor taken in a new perspective.
Don't forget the other despicable aspect of situations like mine. My wife was not "involved" with a civilian(s), these are soldiers doing this to deployed soldiers' wives.
In the case of the other soldier's wife, here, her acts aren't as outrageous apparently, just more numerous and frequent. Still aspects that would make it damn near impossible for a man to overlook and drive on. These are behaviors that define self, and as for my soon-to-be ex-wife, she redefined herself out of a whole different set of building blocks.
I don't think it's anything about Civilians or military. Within a group, or outside is not important. It's just people do not have the respect and common courtesy that once was in place, almost by default, in the past. People do not respect other people as much as we once did. It's everywhere. Maybe I am just OLD SCHOOL, or something. I don't know. You just don't mess with other people, or there wife, or there stuff, or anything. For me, there is an invisible barrier that I would not cross. It's like opening up a refrigerator at your work or office and seeing other peoples lunches in there. Would YOU take that sandwich if it was not YOURS?
I would look at this from the other perspective...if someone knew about G, would you have wanted to know before you got home? I would want to know, then I'd kick his ass, and it would be done. I say always do the right thing no matter the concequences. You may be hurt now, but G has to live with the guilt of ruining her marriage to you for the rest of her life. She also has to face her children who will know mom screwed up.
Ok. Time for a little bumber. No offence here please, but this not a Soap Opera. Let's stick to the topic of how Dorman will face the "friend". Anything else, in my opinion, is getting a bit too personal for me. At least until Dorman would touch on the subject.
Again, no offence please.
Having said that, I agree!
I agree too, but here is why I totally agree with carnealian....at least 1 little part of it.
It seems that the morning after I arrived home, I decided to walk the dogs. Upon exiting my door, there stood the motherfucker shaking my hand to welcome me back...... I didn't know at that time but didn't like the "friendship" they supposedly had anyway. Imagine the insult to me after i found out.
Sorry, I had no intentions of getting too personal.
Yes, I suppose you are right. I tend to get a little ‘anal’ about intruding. Thank you.
Ok, Dean, I've read more... but... I still think we should compare... screwed up things happen to good people. It's all a part of that path in life. This too shall pass.
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