Tuesday, August 23, 2005


Home in Iraq. Lost 16 pounds, people noticed, wasn't fat but now I am closer to ripped than before. People are happy to see me - that helps. I was feeling good today until I got an email that pointed out to me that I made everyone around me miserable for years. I didn't realize. And, no, it was not written by my STBEW. Actually her and I are closer now than we have been in many years. So it was a good day until now. I'll get over it, I just need to process it for what it is worth.


Blogger mattandriver said...

Glad to know you are at least safe.

Blogger InterstellarLass said...

Glad you made it back safe and sound.

I'm of the opinion that no one person can make any other person miserable. Everyone is responsible for their own feelings. I cannot cause anyone to feel how they do. They choose how to feel in response to me and my actions. Even if I've truly done something wrong, the person that I've wronged still has complete control over their own emotions.

If those around you were 'miserable', they were responsible for their reactions to you. They let themselves feel that way. If they truly had an issue, they should have brought it up for discussion. If not, then they are responsible for letting their emotional reaction to you go on.

Blogger LL said...

Dorman, I've been polite, which is not really in my nature, but I gotta say this, "Screw Them!"

Don't let anyone get you down because of the way you feel or express yourself on this blog. You keep your head up and know that there are some of us thinking about you, hoping you'll get through this pain in one piece, and praying for your safety.


Blogger Carnealian said...

Whoohoo spam central!! Glad to hear from you. And who the would say something like that to you when you are possibly at your lowest point? I'll send you a voodoo doll and you can take care of them from right where you are.

Ya gotta love the I'm miserable as hell diet...it is good for something and if you are getting closer to your goal of being ripped, good for you! Just remember to eat sometimes!

Blogger InterstellarLass said...

Top Ramen and Gobstoppers, right? We'll find that 16 pounds...that's something I'm good at. :) In the mean time, munch on the SPAM in your comments...

Blogger mattandriver said...

Oh, Gobstoppers!

Blogger iamNomad said...

Over time I've found that those who point fingers at others who "make them miserable" can be miserable beings in their own right, unwilling to take responsibility for their own feelings. Try not to let whoever wrote that get to you...don't give away your power.

Blogger brainhell said...

Dude, yeah, I know *I* wouls send emails to soldiers in war zones telling them what bad people they are. Sarcastic eye-roll. I mean, who woul DO that to you? Why not stress you when you rotate back, like your wife did?

Blogger Dorman said...

It was a bit surprising to me because I still haven't figured out the point of the email or why it means anything in the light of the truth of what happened. I guess I am not allowed to simply be shit on by someone,I have to be drug down too and made to feel like I deserved being shit on.

Usually I would agree with the axiom that if you are the only person doing something, and everyone else is doing it another way, then *you* are probably wrong. But in this case I think it is a good thing that I am apparently not welcome in the vastly different perspective of her side of the family.

You see, for years I have tried to get the STBEW to open up to me about feelings, just to be frustrated with her indifference. Now I am told that my frustration *caused* her indifference and made everyone else feel uncomfortable. I caused scenes,apparently. Looks like the STBEW isn't the onlyone with a problem opening thier mouths. Would have been nice if some family over time, would have asked me the ever-dangerous,passive-aggressive kryptonite question of "why" I might be frustrated and yelling. I would have told them. Guess they don't care to resolve issues,just gather them up to use for ammo later when it is convenient.

I'll get over it, just have to re-examine myself and everything, then cut-people loose. Not like any of them helped over the years,no loss to me now.

Blogger Carnealian said...

It is through life's tests that you find out the integrity of friends and family. Then, you can move forward with the "keepers" and discard the rest.

Blogger SnotSucker said...

As I said in previous post, SHE made the decision to be unfaithful. YOU did not force her to do it, regardless of how your relationship may have been. "He/she" treated me badly is always a cop out to somehow justify the action. If someone is treating you badly, confront them or seek counseling...don't seek another's bed. Everyone knows before they commit the act that adultery is wrong and a mistake. I can't stand people that say they made a "mistake". IT WASN'T A MISTAKE, IT WAS A CHOICE!

Families tend to stick together. You're in a no win situation. If it had been you that strayed, then you would be regarded just as you are now. Stick with your friends & family, they're the ones that matter the most. Carnealian and I are going to send you a really big dumpster to Iraq so you can discard your trash ;)

Blogger mattandriver said...

Ok. Your negative email: I have been thinking about this all day and have decided to offer my opinion 'online'.

The comment was simply a last chance stab. I am all for criticism, as long as it is meant to be constructive. If this comment would have been made months ago, that would be different. But the author of the comment knows it is a done deal. How in any way can this be constructive? It's just a bust on you from someone taking sides.

When 2 or more people in a relationship do not coincide well, it is difficult to hide. The people around you can see it, even when you try not to let others be aware. Trust me, I know. Now, after the 'plane crash', they are throwing stones, but would not ever offer any opinion when it would have mattered. It's pathetic man, blow it off.

If you feel the need to dissect yourself and rebuild then do it. This would most likely help you in your new life. Just keep the pieces that YOU need.

Blogger Dorman said...

You're right. With the support you all have given me, plus my family and even my STBEW, I (we - she and I) are making it through better than expected. It is a shame and plain sick how the cowardly pile on when someone is down, but it is not my bummer any more.

So, I am feeling a bit back-on-track again, focusing more and more on fighting the war here instead of the war back in the states.

Blogger SnotSucker said...

Remember way back when...."I don't think anyone will be interested in what I have to say".
Congrats on 11k+ rolls of that damn boulder!!!!!!!

Blogger InterstellarLass said...

Your shoulders sore yet boulder boy? ;)

Blogger Jim said...

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