Saturday, November 05, 2005

Everything I Needed to Know I Learned in......

You know I am not into blog-tag or these games too much, but this one I lifted from Graven Images is kind of interesting. Instead of listing all the way through High School, I will only do my elementary experience. High School was uneventful and College was, well, college. So here it goes. Something I remember from each Elementary Grade.

Kindergarten: First day, in the parking lot, trying to rationally talk my mom out of sending me to this whole "school" thing.

1st Grade: Bob (sorry dude) raising his hand repeatedly to ask to go to the bathroom. Denied. Then Bob got up to go anyway and left a pool of urine in the contoured wooden seat....I was told by Ms. Novy that I will "burn in Hell" for trying to help settle an argument between two other students in class. (I went to Catholic School, so you can imagine what that's like for a 7 year old.)...being put in 2nd grade reading.

2nd Grade: practicing for a play with Chris Sabol, as the queen, and I as the king. Play called for a kiss. I vehemently objected.

3rd Grade: Mrs. Lieb cooking dirt for a science experiment, which stunk up the entire 1st floor of the school. I was taller than her.

4th Grade: Sister Roseanne would sneeze frequently. Since we were all smart-assed 10 year-olds by this time, everytime she sneezed we would all wave back in our one-piece desks, leaning back and yelling "Whoooooooooooaaaaaaaaaaaaa!". That lasted a day.

5th Grade: Had a cold most of the time. Blew my nose and showed it to Kelley Smith. She promptly told the teacher and I got busted. Girls don't appreciate mucus.

6th Grade: Met Bill Young and that started a new era. John Komara always had "extra spit" so we talked him into making this big huge spit ball made from the rough pulp C-fold bathroom towels. He chewed that thing for nearly 20 minutes in Science class before launching it at the side wall over the lockers while the teacher's back was turned. We all surpressed our laughter. His "super-spit" made that thing stick long after we left 8th grade.

7th Grade: During Science class we were learning about sea creatures. Octopi in particular. Greg "Gig" Poltonovage would say under his breath to Bob and I, "testicles?" every time the word tentacles was spoken in class. We all had to hold back laughter. He forgot himself and was called on. Obviously as he was reading, he accidentally said "testicles" instead of "tentacles" and was hauled out to the hallway for a talking to.

8th Grade: Mrs. Bzdil had us do sentence diagramming for a large part of the school year. I still think about sentences in that format. Got my first gray hair spot on the side of my head. Confirmation. Still an altarboy....Jimmy Kerstetter and me were the "Twin Towers" dwarfing Father Fennessy.


Blogger SnotSucker said...

What about those impure things the Nuns made you do? Have you suppressed those memories again? It's ok, let it out, let it out...

Blogger mattandriver said...

OK, I have a few things to say here. Please excuse the rant...

1) How the heck can you recall Kindergarten? I can't remember anything from at least 3rd or 4th grade...

2) Bill Young.... Of all people have made a defining moment for you. What am I, chopped liver? :-) (Joking!!!)Does anyone remember reading the comment "House of a Thousand Corpses, minus the good looking girl"?

3) How can you recall Kindergarten?

OK, rant over. You may now continue with your regularly scheduled blog.

Blogger InterstellarLass said...

Snot, he told me about those impure things...

Blogger Dorman said...

I have flash memories from when I was 3, living in Shamokin Dam...Dad was killing rats in the field near our house because he found one in our basement and then found the main nest of them. Gas and matches down the hole.

I have a very existential memory from age 4 which I will not post. And a pre-school memory. So....

Blogger Robert Chase said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

Blogger Robert Chase said...

I remember the incidents mentioned in 4th, 6th and 7th grades. My mom is visiting, and she wondered why I started giggling. I read her the Sister Roseanne episode, and she said...."You didn't really do that did you?" :D

Blogger Dorman said...

Well, Bob, maybe it was Mike Bagovich in 1st Grade but could swear it was you :)

If only our mothers knew what really went on. And no folks, we weren't molested.

Remember Tim Faylor and the chew juice?

Blogger Robert Chase said...

LOL yeah.
Remember the reading material in the bathroom? And the ceiling in the bathroom?
Not to mention the wall incident. Hehehehe.

Blogger Dorman said...

I still can't believe you guys got loogies to hang from a ceiling that high, that is some propulsion!

Ona different note, my good karma keeps rolling. My friends, who are black and I kid with them about earning my honorary membership to the Negro race, were teaching me to play dice. I catch on quick and won $20. Yo, it was illin'. I even kiddingly have a 'hood' name now. I deemed myself LMX and it caught on. LMX? Well, I had been listening to DMX on and off...DMX = Dark Man X, so LMX = Light Man X. I hope I can turn all this into credits for cultural awareness trainings.

Blogger SnotSucker said...

I have a very existential memory from age 4 which I will not post. And a pre-school memory. So....

You're the Army's version of Rainman!! Hurry it's almost time for Jeopardy.

Blogger Carnealian said...

I still have difficulty with the tenticle, testicle thing. I have to be very careful when talking about octopi.

Guys and their spit and boogers. Geez.

I thought you were going to say you learned to speak "jive", like from Airplane?!? Shiiiiiit.

Blogger brainhell said...

9th grade: Realized that Islam is the scourge of the world, built an AR-15 from a kit and invaded Iraq. By myself. None of the other Bo Scouts would help me. Then in 1991 George Bush Sr. copycatted me and I was so peeved.

Blogger Dorman said...

BH....that info was supposed to be expunged upon my 18th birthday.

Blogger brainhell said...

Let us never speak of it again.


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