Monday, November 21, 2005

Coitus Interruptus

(or How to Successfully Pull Out When Screwing People)

I don't usually watch the news for the same reason I typically don't read Dungeons & Dragons novels... fantasy fiction just does not appeal to me. But lately, while sitting in the DFAC wasting time during a meal, I notice the news reporting that Congress or some ballsy Dems wish to have an Exit Plan. What an idea, who woulda thought? All sarcasm aside, this is a strategically prime time for my boss and his cronies to end this mess. Here's how it works:

1. Someone gets fed up enough with the eratic leadership and non-answers to finally give up on debate and call for a blatant removal of troops from Iraq.

2. Nominal resistance is shown by those in charge to provide themselves a chance to test the waters of public opinion.

3. If harranging becomes loud enough, Bush throws his hands in the air and says, "OK, I submit to the will of the American people. I am a man of the people. America and Amricans come first. I will bring our sons and daughters home."

4. Troops are removed en masse leaving Iraq in a state of shocked chaos.

5. Bush's public approval rating goes through the roof.

6. Not that it matters to anyone, but Iraq collapses and becomes a wasteland until Islam comes back in to rule with an iron fist.

7. People see the results in Iraq, become disgruntled again with Bush and begin blaming him for the situation in Iraq and the low opinion of Americans through the rest of the world.

8. Bush points fingers at the Dems for coercing him to bring the troops home prematurely against his original plan of "staying the course". This is repeated enough by the puppet news agencies that the American sheeples believe it.

9. Bush absolves himself and his cronies for the sake of historical immortalization.

10. We all win. Iraq doesn't really effect Americans any way. Right?


Blogger SnotSucker said...

Were this his first term, you're damn right he would do something as a result of his poor opinion polls. However, with nothing to lose/gain (with this being his second term) he will continue to stay the course and not only screw himself but those with families abroad. That's his story and he's obviously got too much $ tied up with his cronies to not stick to it.

Blogger mattandriver said...

Coitus interruptus!! This method does not work, I have proof. You were chatting with her tonight. :-)

Maybe GWB should have taken lessons from Clinton and worn a rubber.

Blogger rev. billy bob gisher ©2005 said...

loved this. i am working now to solve my other crisis. thanks dean for sticking with me. let me know when you are departing.

Blogger rev. billy bob gisher ©2005 said...

up and running, thanks for inspiring the urge to fight with your piece, you and pooby have vaulted to god status with me.

Blogger Dorman said...

Thanks :)

And before this becomes a mire, I would like to clarify that this piece is not an indictment solely intended to target Bush and his cronies. As I have stated before, the whole of the American political system should be summarily flushed and a new multiparty pure democracy implemented. This is intended as one of those "mark my words" entries because let's face it, I want my ass out of here with a gaurantee of no return.

Blogger InterstellarLass said...

If only it were that simple. You forgot the part where a lot of people die in the bloodshed that insues, both home and abroad. Then there's the gas prices...

Blogger rev. billy bob gisher ©2005 said...

"not an indictment solely intended to target Bush and his cronies. As I have stated before, the whole of the American political system should be summarily flushed and a new multiparty pure democracy implemented. "

same page. thank you.

"I want my ass out of here with a gaurantee of no return."

i want you out of there alive and mad enough to run for office, bring several hundred friends with you. as long as you guys stay the course, i will pull the lever for you. if you get there, i hope the next time our sons and daughter's die, there will be a real need to do so." two vietnams should wake us up."

Anonymous Anonymous said...

In other words, Bush the younger should repeat the mistake of Bush the elder and cave to pressure from the ankle biters on America's left?

Seriously: God Forbid

Blogger brainhell said...

I think you have identified a very important part of the strategic global plan in the war on terror, which is to blame the Democrats. However, this same end can be achieved by staying in Iraq through the 2008 election, anad then criticizing the Democratic president over the conduct of the war.

Blogger Dorman said...

anon: staying here to do "the job" is acceptable too, if you can define "the job"

Blogger banzai said...

Before any military forces are committed to anything there needs to be several things planned.

1. Mission. The goal needs to be identified and clearly stated. It needs to be achievable, practical and move events or the situation more toward the desirable end, whatever that may be.

2. Resolution. The "end state" needs to be clearly stated and a path to it delineated. There MUST be conditions under which we decide we've achieved our goals and we commence the extraction plan.

Failure of the military and political (neither can plan these independently) leadership to plan for either of these items should (emphatically) prevent deployment of military forces.

Unfortunatley this is a pipe dream.

Anonymous Anonymous said...

This is one of the more interesting posts I have read. I worry that patriotism sometimes gets in the way of social conciousness.

Just recently, we cut taxes by 60 Billion Dollars? Middle and upper class America should be pleased.Did we not just take away food stamps for hundreds of thousands of people? This irks me.. I know so many soldier's families that are on food stamps. Soldiers who decided to join in a time of war at the risk and detriment to their familial incomes. They are on food stamps. When I was growing up, a family I stayed with for a time was on food stamps and WIC. We would absolutely have starved without it. AND THESE PEOPLE ARE SOLDIERS!!!

I often think the Bush administration counts on soldiers to be uniformed. Obviously, it is a soldier's duty to obey orders. But speaking out, reading and discussing is an American right-- and I think it's important to keep that in mine.

Soldiers get to vote too!!

Blogger rev. billy bob gisher ©2005 said...

Even though more will die, I will be the first to say(actually already have said) we got to clean the mess up we made. But lingering?

how long doth we linger?

oh i never have like the courage of aonymous posting. if you were deep throat maybe, but if somebody really wants to trace you on the net, they can. all that posting does is allow one to throw rocks without verbal follow through. come on post up front. nobody going to bite you. not literally.

Blogger rev. billy bob gisher ©2005 said...

new gig starts monday, but you can get the post at my place around noon, our time. you will get a kick out of it. if you have been paying attention, i am kicking the whole lot of em, far less than i did you. and they are not reacting as well as you did. hum, what doth that say? thanksgiving, other than stay alive and get back here as close to christmas as you can, nothing really aprapo to say. kids are here now. i will hug mine for you. thanks and love

Blogger Kim Ponders said...

As far as a plan goes to get you out of there, this might work. I think it breaks down at point 3. The administration will stay the course until they are forced politically in 2006 or 2008 to stop. I hope you can hang on until then and I hope I don't get called up by then.

Blogger Dorman said...

Very true, Kim. Exit Plan sounds like a great phrase but when neither side has a properly designed plan, we in the middle are doomed.

And how can one make one's presidential approval ratings go lower than his shoe size? That's right. Decide to bomb Al-Jazeera in the name of the good ole' First Amendment. Oh, wait, that was sarcasm, only the Chosen get the right of Free Speech.

Blogger Robert Chase said...

Two things:

1. Happy Thanksgiving, Dean.
2. It's real easy to say dumbya was "joking" or "being sarcastic" when word of this gets out. This moron makes people sign a letter documenting that they are republican or have voted for him before they are allowed to attend his townhall-type meetings with the people. If he goes to the trouble to do that, what makes anyone think that he wasn't serious about al-jazeera?

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I can only hope that GW wasn't serious about Al-Jazeera. We Americans are stuck in a vacuum.

While we pull our hair out wondering what we can do, MANY Americans still do think this is "our" planet. Sadly, our first step should be to educate Americans that there is life beyond our borders.

Blogger Dorman said...

That is very true. Plus there has been a growing trend for many years - a growing schizm between gov't and the people. It seems that the political class deems it necessary to listen to or recognize the existence of the citizen class only 90 days before any election. It is like we elect a president and then they get the keys to run the show for 4 years while we run around trying to grasp what they are doing. In a representative democracy such as ours, there should be slower actions and more communication. We are fast becoming a fascist state.


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