Sisyphus Today...

DFAS Fight Follow-up

2009-10-18T13:43:00.002-05:00

Thank you all who have responded in the comments to my previous posts about my ongoing fight with DFAS. The current status is this.... I have exhausted the appeals through my Congressmen and Senators. I placed an appeal directly to DFAS using dd form 2789 (google it) and am waiting to hear back. The process, they claim, can take 90 days or more and I am reaching that limit. I have little hope that they will see my plea. I truly think that with the deployment cycles as they are and the ever-growing divorce rates among military personnel that there would either be a stronger enforcement of UCMJ for infidelity (it is currently on the books but hardly enforced unless it is a CYA move to avoid an EO complaint) or create a new Hardship code for us honorable soldiers that find ourselves in an impossible situation by no fault of our own.

I propose that maybe we should band together and start a grassroots movement to make this issue prominent. The problem is too pervasive and has gone unaddressed too long. The end result is that we get victimized twice, once by the home-wrecking spouse and then by the branch of the military we've loved so much.

I have contacted lawyers but they are either afraid to take a case against the government or flatly assholes with no concern for anything but they pay. Pats on the back are free thanks for what I (we've) done for this country, but stepping up and helping is too much for these people. Maybe we can send a Brigade of lawyers to Afghanistan for a rotation, then things may change here.

Contact me if there is any interest in forming some advocacy / action group or if I can help in any way.

Dean

Progressive Insurance = Ironic FAIL!

2009-08-17T19:58:00.002-05:00

ironic-fail
Originally uploaded by Die Strafbar

Saw this on the way home from work today.....

Here is a multi-angle photo for your enjoyment...

DFAS fight part 3

2009-03-21T12:16:00.003-05:00

This is the latest letter I sent to the collection agency that has been harassing me for most of a year. I have tried reaching out to negotiate, discuss, appeal, talk, whatever, and am flatly ignored. I received no response whatsoever from these people except an increase of phone harassment.

If there is anyone willing to help me erase this illegitimate debt and clear my credit record... please contact me.

Thank you.

Dean

__________________

Sunday, November 30, 2008
Linebarger Goggan Blair & Sampson, LLP
Attorneys at Law
1301 Travis St. Suite 210
Houston, TX 77002

Dear Ms. Cummings,

I have received your mail regarding the alleged debt owed to DFAS (account: 200717xxxxx) and would like to take this time to respond to your request for full payment. I have sent this letter previously with no acknowledgement nor action on your part on Sept. 14, 2008. This is an illegitimate debt. Understanding that your agency has been employed merely to recover this debt, I believe that you should know some its pertinent history. I have also chosen to write you this letter because I have been given no legitimate method for contacting anyone from the DFAS offices in order to rectify this situation; from the beginning until now.

I originally signed my Army contract for a 5 year deal with an $11000 bonus to be received over the length of that time. Near the end of my first contract, after returning from a year deployment to Iraq, I was coerced into re-enlisting for 4 years to be re-classed. I say ‘coerced’ because I was threatened by my commanding officer to be discharged within 72 hours while in Germany simply because while I was in Iraq, my wife at the time neglected my children and was sent back to the States. Having custody of my children in Germany without the hospices of the Army would have made it impossible for me to live. I was in a difficult position; I was unable to provide a valid Family Care Plan due to the antics of my ex-wife, and was being threatened by my commanding officer to lose my Army career. I opted to re-enlist to bide some time. That e-enlistment contract had no bonus, no options. I was told by several officers and the retention NCOIC that this contract fully negated the first.After verbally verifying how the contracts worked, I was accepting that the final two bonus payments from the first contract would not be paid. That is what official representatives of the US Army guaranteed me.

I took leave back to the States and tied to set up housing for my follow up assignment to Fort Gordon, GA. Because of my Family Care Plan (FCP) situation, they didn’t want me to show up. They provided no aid for me to find housing or getting my children set up at school. The duty shifts would have made it impossible for me to parent my children. I looked for alternate assignments but still found none that I could successfully do. All because I have no available family for the FCP. I did my best to continue my career in the Army, I loved being in the Army. But I was squeezed out due to the lack of an FCP. The paperwork says I was discharged on hardship, which in a way is true but not wholly accurate.

I received bills shortly after my discharge with extremely inflated erroneous amounts. I tried calling the phone numbers provided but was not met with any account rep that could help me resolve these issues. No, instead I was met with just a bill collector who didn’t care about issues, just when I would pay the debt back. Knowing there had to be some mistake, I ignored it for a while hoping that DFAS would catch there errors or that it was just a paperwork tangle. They didn’t.

The only avenue I found was to appeal to my local politicians who requested nothing more that the debt be looked into. Well, DFAS found some glaring errors in their accounting but I could still get no-one to listen to my situation to resolve the source of the debt. After a year and several attempts to appeal through politicians, I still have no voice.

I came across a DFAS hotline for veterans that were having debt problems upon discharge. This hotline was established by the VA, I believe because of the wide proliferation of these repayment requests. I talked to a very helpful SFC Shannon who provided me with a DFAS phone number. That phone number eventually went to a voicemail box that played a “mailbox full” message before hanging up. After a month or more of that, the message stopped playing and I was disconnected after a few rings. DFAS has never provided me, or apparently anyone else, a way to resolve these situations!

I tried for months to find a lawyer to help me but none would accept a case against the government because “nobody wins against the government”. So much for integrity. Then I found a local lawyer who happened to be former National Guard. He did me the favor of reviewing my case and pointing me to the regs that DFAS is operating under. He understands my position and believes that my case is significant and not that unique. I know a few other former soldiers and marines that have been tapped by DFAS after a discharge, but they gave up the fight and somehow found enough money to pay the debt and move on. My lawyer is unwilling, though, to handle debt law, so now I stand alone once again looking for a reasonable and fair resolution.

Sincerely yours,

Dean Michael Dorman
(formerly a proud veteran of Operation Iraqi Freedom III)

DFAS fight part 2

2009-03-21T12:09:00.002-05:00

To give a more complete picture, I will post 2 more letters written during this struggle. There is a pile of documents that pertain to my efforts that I will not post here. I am just trying to provide a complete picture as concisely as possible.

What follows to one of the initial collection agencies.

Thank you for your interest.

Dean

______________________

August 15, 2007

To Whom It May Concern:

I dispute the validity of the debt trying to be collected from me by your agency. DFAS
has been attempting to collect this bogus debt from me without allowing me voice to
dispute it directly with them. I have been going through proper channels for months to
dispute this debt, to have it corrected and therefore eliminated. My credit is now
ruined from their exploits and I face being continuously victimized without recourse.
They cannot prove the source or validity of this debt. They have mistaken the two
enlistment contracts that I had signed. The following should explain my situation
further. I wish for the elimination of these illegal collection proceedings at the source,
but they refuse to listen. My credit should not continue to suffer as I appeal.

I served in the United States Army from 23 Sep 02 to Nov 06. Since February of this
year, I have received letters from the Defense Finance and Accounting Service claiming
that I am indebted to them for fees ranging from $7091.11 to $1367.84.
The letter sent to me on February 2, 2007 stated that it was a ‘bns recoupment for the
unearned portion of your enlistment or reenlistment bonus based on your separation
code of KDG. Your enlistment contract obligated you to perform duty through
07/05/2010 and at separation you had 1324 unserved days. . .’ Succeeding letters
stated the same repayment reasons yet the amount of repayment changed.
They are as follows: 02 FEB07 from DFAS of $6668.18
05 MAR 07 from DFAS $1321.51 (letter accompanying this ‘debt
amount’ stated that ‘the principal debt amount of $6668.18 . . .
has been decreased . . . due to an error in auditing’)
05 MAR 07 from DFAS $6690.92
07 MAY 07 from DFAS $1348.33
07 JULY 07 from Collection agency $1367.84

Further explaining my situation, my original enlistment date was 23 Sep 02 for a period
of 5 years. In July of 2006, I reenlisted for another 4 years and waived a reenlistment
bonus as noted in section I4b on my Request For Reenlistment or Extension in The
Regular Army and on the Enlistment/Reenlistment Document (copies enclosed) section
Bb2 where it states ‘no bonus entitlement’. Although my intent was to remain in the
Army until 2010, while in Iraq my family situation deteriorated outside my control and I
was left a single father. Before returning to CONUS, the commander and SGM
repeatedly threatened to discharge me due to an unworkable Family Care Plan.
OCONUS discharges on that basis are 72 hours which would have left me in complete
disarray. So I tried to make it work with a follow‐up assignment in CONUS but with my
family situation I was unable to successfully report. Although my intent was to remain
in the Army, I was unable to provide a Family Care Plan and on 01 NOV 06, I was
honorably discharged from the Army.

You can imagine my confusion upon seeing these notices. The accounting
practices are nothing less than suspect. I left the Army due to family hardship and had
no knowledge of any type of repayment for any monies received. It was repeatedly
asked of me if I had any bonuses related to the reenlistment contract because if I did
then I would be bound to pay back that money. As you can see, there were no bonuses
included in the reenlistment contract. The response letter to the last appeal takes the
stance that an agent of their organization, specifically the Re‐enlistment NCOIC,
misrepresented herself purposely by telling me that the original contract is fulfilled and
moot upon re‐enlistment. It is my understanding that as an assigned and official
representative of the US Army, it is their legal responsibility to maintain and assure
accuracy. The terms of the re‐enlistment cannot be changed after‐the‐fact with the
disregard of the agreed upon terms. Misrepresentation is fraud and voids the contract

In summary, after signing my reenlistment contract on 06 JUL 06, it was
understood that the original enlistment obligations signed in 2002, were fulfilled and
the new reenlistment contract with no bonus would override any previous contractual
obligation. Under this circumstance, I do not owe any money to the United States Army
for the days claimed to be ‘unserved’. The remaining days served, the original
enlistment bonus money, and any other perk or obligation, was superseded by the new
contract and thus I was to not be bound to them. For instance, when I signed the new
contract the remaining days unserved were not added on to the new but rather were
eliminated. Since I was no longer legally bound to the original enlistment contract,
there can be no fees applied to me in relationship to that document. What this debt fails
to consider is that I cannot be bound to two contracts at once. The fact that this debt
had initially been misconstrued; upon DFAS realizing there was an error they re‐
miscalculated the imaginary debt 5 times in the past 6 months. This indicates to me
that this is not my problem, error or debt.

Also unjust and in violation of contractual parameters is the idea of being ‘pro‐
rated’ for bonus payments as a convenient way to collect payment from me. NOWHERE
in my contracts does it state the method of pro‐rating payments to me or as a method
of delivering the bonus money to me. The money came in lump sums and was never
directly attributed to a per diem scenario. My point is that after I signed the second
contract and therefore completing the first, nullifying the bonus payments and time
remaining on the first, I was not to receive the remaining lump payments of money from
DFAS. I CAN LEGALLY BE BOUND BY ONLY ONE CONTRACT AT A TIME.

What I am requesting is to be exonerated of DFAS’s accounting error and the
integrity of my credit restored. After speaking with the staff at the Carlisle Barracks, it
was explained to me that maybe the code of my discharge was incorrect. However,
regardless of what my discharge code is or was, I remain bound under the 2nd and final
contract which states a waiver of any bonus. How can I repay something that I never
received or existed? I proudly served in the Army for almost 4 years; 12 months of
which I served in Iraq. I am desperately trying to hold on to that respect and pride now
as I am victimized by the very country to which I committed years of my life in service.

Very Respectfully,

(SPC) Dean Michael Dorman

An open letter for assistance in a fight against DFAS

2009-03-20T09:44:00.002-05:00

I am still being persecuted by DFAS and collection agencies working for them. DFAS for those that do not know is the government's financial wing for the military. I need a politician or attorney brave enough to help out a veteran by standing up to these thugs on my behalf. The debt they claim I owe is not large in the perspective of a new car or national Debt, but it is more than I can comfortably pay and a debt that I should not owe.

My story follows, originally posted to the Black Sheep Books mailing list.

Hello All,

Walter summed up my situation pretty accurately but I feel compelled to just introduce myself by giving the story a complete view. It is not pleasant for me to recount these things. But, here it goes....

In 2003 I joined the Army just barely making the age requirement. I was a good soldier throughout my career, never getting as much as a negative counseling statement or told to shine my boots. I did PT on par with the 20 year olds. I had pride.

When we were given orders to deploy to Iraq for the year 2005, I prepared my home life as wisely as I could. Euphemistically, I had a contentious marriage to a woman that never quite became a mother to my children. At the warnings of the Army, I protected my money, thankfully, because almost immediately after I shipped out from Germany, my kids were neglected. At the time my son was 12 and my daughter 8 so they had a fighting chance of taking care of themselves but their school attendance languished, prepared meals were fewer and farther between, and the apartment was not maintained. I was also abandoned by this woman.

I came home on R&R 7 months later to find my apartment hip-high in garbage with a path worn into the filth on the linoleum floors where my 2 dogs paced for exercise. My children acted like zombies out of the confusion of what they had experienced. I found out that their mother had been having an affair with the married couple upstairs. That was the end. My R&R then consisted of disassembling my family to fly them back to the States. Fortunately my elderly parents were able to care for my children while I returned to Iraq.

She gave me custody of the children, knowing that she could never parent them again. They came back to me when I returned to Germany but I was facing another difficult change. My unit was deactivating and it was a mad scramble to find follow-up orders for everyone. The short version of this is that I was railroaded away from my support system in Germany and into taking orders in Georgia that would ultimately impossible for me to take. I had no Family Care Plan and no one to care for my children in any situation if I returned to Georgia. I fought to stay in Germany but was denied. Part of the follow-up assignment was a mandatory re-classing and thus a re-enlistment. I reluctantly signed up for 4 more years.

Upon returning stateside, I found that the schooling in GA would be impossible for me as a single father. The Powers-That-Be at Ft. Gordon didn't care and provided me no assistance so I turned to the local Chaplain at Carlisle Barracks, PA. I was processed out in 2 months. Then the letters from DFAS started.

I had an $11000 bonus on my first contract of which I received $9K or $10K over the 3.5 years I served. I was told by everyone involved in my former unit that re-enlisting 'completes' or 'negates' the previous contract so that any 'deals', bonuses, choices of duty stations, etc, would not be valid upon the onset of the new contract. Even the time remaining on the first contract would be moot. I originally signed for 5 years leaving 18 months on the first contract. I was assured that when I signed that second contract for 4 years and no bonuses that I would serve just those 4 years and receive no further bonuses.

That is not what DFAS tried to get me to believe. Their accounting was flawed from the start as they told me I owed them almost $9000. They creatively prorated my bonus from my first contract's start date to my second contract's end date. I protested and sought help of my State Representatives and Senators. The accounting and debt was changed each time as they found 'errors' but never relinquished the claim that I owed them. I recently was able to find a lawyer that would take my case since many refused on the simple basis that they would be fighting the government. The frequent calls from the debt collection agencies are harassing and unstoppable.

My credit has now been seriously impacted due to DFAS. They have given me no recourse as they refuse to hear my case directly. This situation was not precipitated by any culpable act of my own but yet I am persecuted for doing the noble, right things. I am looking for any help to have this debt and the blemish on my credit erased.

I appreciate your consideration for my situation and any aid that anyone can give.

Thank you,

Dean Michael Dorman

Sunbury Bridge [HDR]

2009-01-17T11:49:00.001-05:00

Sunbury Bridge [HDR]
Originally uploaded by Die Strafbar

anyone who has ever been through Central Pennsylvania has most likely seen this bridge. This spans the Susquehanna River from the south end of Sunbury to the start of the Golden Strip (the god-forsaken ode to rampant consumerism). In the distance is Sunbury at night. If anyone has toured the coal regions then this should be a clear symbol of 'escape'.

Copyright Infringed Like I expected!!

2009-01-13T08:44:00.003-05:00

My wife told me that some numb-nuts claimed the most popular new words for 2008 as his own, and ObamaNation was one of them!! So, how does one go about staking one's claim and exerting rights to terms like this? I clearly announced it to the world months ago in a previous blog post. Now, as expectred, my genius is being stolen.

Apple iTunes Genius Network Timeout

2008-10-09T06:05:00.003-05:00

I was unable to turn on the Genius feature of my new iTunes 8.0x. Every time I tried to turn on this feature, I was met with frustration as the transfer stopped around 80% of the way. A Network Tiomeout error was usually the report. Sometimes I would get the message that the servers are too busy. After digging through the many replies to support forums. I did as many of the fixes as I could... they seemed to work for others but not for me. Last night, I hit the jackpot! Here is what I did.

I ran the scripts to weed out dead links to songs. (found none)
I ran my iTunes Library.xml file through Validator to check for spurious UTF-8 characters (found none)
I rebuilt my library several times; as a whole and incrementally.
I retried at different times of the day to rule out network congestion in Cupertino.
I verified that my AirPort and iMac had no firewall settings to get in the way.

Strangely, I was able to take some tracks and use my MacBook to turn the Genius feature on there while at work. This was unsettling to me and I couldn't give up the fight. So, I took the principle of a few of these fixes and decided that just maybe there are some characters that the Genius servers do not like but are not being flagged by Validator.

Here is what I did....

I found my iTunes Music Library.xml file and opened it in TextWrangler. Remember that it passed when run through Validator. The file looked good in TextWrangler, too, but TextWrangler has a wonderful tool included - Zap Gremlins. This function scours your file looking for odd characters that do not belong there. Apparently, it is much more stringent than Validator. My XML file was roughly 15Megs in size, so it really bogged down my system once loaded. I chose to replace the gremlins with a unique character. I copied that character to my clipboard and let it find gremlins to zap. After a few minutes TextWrangler came back to tell me I had 80 gremlins to replace!

I had TextWrangler show me the list of gremlins by searching for that unique character. I was then able to see all the offending tracks. What I found is that each of those tracks had a strange apostrophe in it. The apostrophe in each of those tracks was sharply angled; much different than the apostrophe on the keyboard next to your Enter key / under the double quotes. (Yes I know technically it is a single-quote).

I opened iTunes again and did a search for that strange apostrophe to get a list of tracks to work with. I then did the low-tech process of manually changing the strange apostrophe with the apostrophe next to my Enter key. For good measure, I deleted the files "iTunes Library Extras.itdb" and "iTunes Library Genius.itdb" from my "Music/iTunes" directory. Then closed iTunes, opened it again, and started the Genius feature.

This time it worked!

Now, your mileage may vary. You may find a different gremlin. But after weeks of effort, I finally got Genius to stop acting so retarded.

claiming copyright

2008-09-28T10:05:00.003-05:00

just because I am arguably creative, unarguably a prick, and tired of others taking my good ideas for their own, I have decided to do a poor man's copyright on some possibly popular terms.

For the bumper sticker crowd, I better not see 08AMA or 08AMA 08 without a royalty check in my pocket. That goes for you criminals in the media, too.

Second, if the tanner candidate gets the win and subsequently fouls things up, I will be pissed if I see references to the situation and/or country vein an "ObamaNation". Or any variation on that theme.

I missed my chance with MILF 22 years ago in a conversation with my homeboy Bob, I ain't missing these!

Remodeled Web Site

2008-08-06T10:39:00.003-05:00

Yes folks, I liked the old style for my photography site but it was too limiting in what content I could fit into it, so we all pitched in and did some site remodeling. This is the new look and feel for Die Strafbar Photography which is so much more flexible.

Besides just the superficial changes, we have added some new features: The Discussion Area is more robust that had been before. I am excited just for that! My hopes are to draw in local artists or anyone else that is interested in photography as a hobbyist or a professional.

There is also a section, which is now the focus of further development, that provides access to downloading free digital versions of my work or purchasing prints/books.

I hope everyone enjoys the new site structure and joins in to make the discussion area and interesting and edifying as I hope it to. Remember, we do not advertise - no ads ever on our site!!

Pondering mortality

2008-08-04T15:14:00.002-05:00

Pondering mortality
Originally uploaded by Die Strafbar

Took a tour of Pennsylvania's Coal Region yesterday. Outside Centralia, there is a coal hill that covers a lot of unmapped area between roads. While 4x4'ing the XTerra on one of these remote rocky paths, we came upon this memorial, apparently for a young boy that died. The marker was surprisingly well kept despite its location. Toys surrounded the homemade cross and cherubs; army men, hotwheels, etc. Quite a surreal finding.

That darkening sky was a storm headed our way, provided astounding contrast with the blazing sun at my back.

This photo can also be seen and discussed in the Discussion section of my new website: Die Strafbar Photography.

YOU ARE DOING IT WRONG

2008-06-30T19:06:00.001-05:00

YOU ARE DOING IT WRONG
Originally uploaded by Die Strafbar

Self- Explanatory. You are doing it wrong!

Found in a public bathroom in one of Pennsylvania's many State Parks. No wonder they refer to it as "Pennsyltucky"

Virgin Mary & Baby Jesus

2008-06-27T20:00:00.001-05:00

Virgin Mary & Baby Jesus
Originally uploaded by Die Strafbar

A miracle appearance by the Virgin Mary carrying her Baby Jesus... The dog pooped on the rug and we sprayed carpet foam evenly. This is the heavenly figure that appeared!!

Cue Samuel L. Jackson...

2008-06-23T15:30:00.003-05:00

So, on the way home from work we got a semi-frantic call from Zak. Apparently, Sadie was sitting at her computer desk and kicked something underneath that hissed. She looked down and found this beauty. Yes, in our house. Yes it is a Black Snake. Yes, it is 4 feet long or bigger. Yes, that is me doing my best Steve Irwin impersonation (God rest his soul). And yes the mess was caused in the shuffle to pull this thing from under our heating ducts.

FAIL

2008-06-18T11:25:00.001-05:00

FAIL
Originally uploaded by Die Strafbar

I always get a kick out of Fail pics. Now I can contribute.

This is almost a double fail. 1) the whatever it was that was roadkill and 2) the idiot State workers too lazy to clear the path before painting the line.

My Main Site

Art Show

2008-06-18T11:20:00.001-05:00

Flyer
Originally uploaded by Die Strafbar

My Art show coming up..... do not miss it.

She Said YES!!!!!!

2008-04-20T20:59:00.002-05:00

She Said YES!!!!!!
Originally uploaded by Die Strafbar

A while ago, I made an offhand comment to Andrea when we started getting serious. It went something like, "I liked Paris when I was there, wouldn't it be wonderfully romantic for me to propose to you in Paris?" She agreed that it would. Well, I can't just jump in a rental car anymore and drive to France so I did the next best thing. I found a few towns named Paris in the States.

We decided to take a weekend to Vermont and wouldn't you know that there is a Paris, NY on the way. We stopped right past the Welcome To Paris sign. I stopped the car, asked her to step out to walk towards the sign with me. She didn't get it until I pulled out the Tiffany's pouch. Well, as they say, the rest writes itself.

Here's to keeping one's word.

The version according to my better half

New section on my Photo site

2008-03-29T19:57:00.001-05:00

I have expanded my photography web site to make it more interactive. As many of you know, I have been focusing my efforts towards professional photography. This web site and new section is one more step in aiding me in connecting with the community. Th new section is New Photo Discussion. I took down the tired old Galleries and put up something that will allow me to display my work easier and with feedback from the viewer. So I hope you like it though it is still in its infancy. Please pass the site address (www.diestrafbarphoto.com) around to any of your friends that enjoy photography or art. Keep checking back on the site for announcements too because Andrea will have my work entered into several Art Shows this summer along with a few showings both local and around PA.

The Boondocks Theme Ringtone

2008-01-13T14:40:00.000-05:00

Courtesy of me. Great show. This is a ringtone that should work on most phones - in mono mp3 format. Less than 30 seconds long and only 154KBs.

Download Here

Die Strafbar Photography

CSS: Vertical and Horizontal Centering with Cascading Style Sheets

2007-12-26T10:22:00.000-05:00

For some time I had been looking for a simple and elegant solution to center a fixed sized block both vertically and horizontally ona web page using CSS. I had been using tables to do it, but anyone that has used tables for any length of time can attest to how complex the code can get and how hard it can be then to read and maintain.

I searched and found some proposed hacks to the problem. But none do it with a fixed sized object on a variable sized viewport (browser / screen size). Following my logic, I looked at it with the idea that I would need to set an anchor point then use relative positioning. So what I did was place a "block" that I knew I could place precisely and work from there. Looking at the CSS code, you will see that I place an object in the center of the page vertically and at 0 pixels in height. I then place the block which will house my content relative to that. Since the height is set at 400px for the content, I simply place it relatively -200px from the top of the #reference block.

I arbitrarily set the width of the #content block to 80% just to show the horizontal centering but on the page I made this solution for, I use a 100% width.

Here is the css code, small, simple, elegant, and effective across browsers (FireFox, IE7, Opera 9.2x, and Safari 3).


#reference {
display: block;
position: absolute;
top: 50%;
width: 100%;
height: 0px;
}

#content  {
position: relative;
top: -200px;
left: 10%;
width: 80%;
height: 400px;
background-color:red;
}

Below is the HTML that puts it to use.

<html> <head> <title>Centering Test</title> <link rel="stylesheet" type="text/css" href="test3.css" /> </head> <body> <div id="reference"> <div id="content"> Here is the big red centered box </div>  </div>  </body> </html>
Here is my site that puts this to use... Die Strafbar Photography

Let's Roll!

2007-08-22T16:45:00.000-05:00

So, last weekend I made a pilgramage to Shanksville, PA. Me, my kids, the future wife and the future in-laws were headed to a family reunion that took us right past the site. I have been to Disneyland before and let me just say that the only difference is that there are men in mice costumes at Disney.

The place is an obvious front and a joke. I was tense before we pulled in because I knew I wouldn't tolerate the ignorance of he sheep watching the puppet show or the blind patriotism that this Bush administration marketing campaign has evoked. I held my tongue as long as possible while some talking head spewed propaganda that any thinking person could see right through. For instance, she showed the crowd a brilliantly clear photo of the mushroom cloud caused by the supposed crash. The photo was taken on the other side of a red barn / building and had no stem, just a ball of smoke in the air. The only buildings nearby are the farm about a half mile away and the town about 3 miles or more away. Pretty good time to have a high quality camera as a farmer I would say! Or walking through Shanksville and hearing a "terrible rumble" to turn and get that photo as quickly and expertly as whomever did is mind boggling at the odds. Not to mention that a mushroom cloud caused by a firey, fuel-fed crash of an airplane would have continued to burn after impact for a little while and created a noticeable stem from the ground to the poof. Coincidentally there is a strip-mine operation right on those same fields that would obviously use explosives to clear rocks. That smoke ball was obviously created by a single, quick explosion much smaller than that of a trans-continental plane.

As I made obvious questions to this aloud, Andrea being prepared for this, came over to encourage me to go to the car. As I turned to go the talking head made mention that the
"terrorists allowed the passengers to use their cell phones". Odd statement to make, to which I replied loudly, "cell phones do not work on airplanes even today! When was the last time you were able to use a cell on a plane!?" Andrea succeeded in pulling me away from the questioning crowd before the Secret Service jumped out from behind the port-o-potty.

What I did see: a flag 1/2 mile away in a field next to nothing...no ditch, no gulley, nothing. You aren't allowed to get any closer for some obvious reasons. I saw a list of made-up names of people and crew who allegedly died in that field. Has anyone checked these names and verified? I also saw a bunch of sheep with throats open.....

Being the Man

2007-04-17T09:17:00.000-05:00

My first art show is coming up and Andrea and I are so excited. We have been spending much of the last week framing my work and it has taken on such a new dimension being coupled with frames that match the pictures' moods. I hope that all of you local folks can stop out and take a peek. Friday night starting at 6.

Meeting the Man

2007-03-12T21:47:00.000-05:00

Ya, that is me on the left, fat, hairy, and bearded. The man on the right is the amazing Alex Grey who had become more than just a favorite artist of mine. I had the pleasure of not only meeting him on Saturday, but also having my family with me to hear him speak in depth about each of his pieces of art that hang in the CoSM. It was an incredible time in NYC which just capstoned how good things have been going in my life for the last several months.

I have been significantly silent for months on my blog simply because I choose to keep my personal life quite personal. After being discharged from the Army, I had to collect the remnants of my life and decide what stays and what goes. I drew the line between what was an after-effect of my former (mistaken) life and what is now my own series of causes and effects. Very liberating watching the final reverberations of a 15 year mistake definitely disappear; the last vestiges of power and destruction of the ex's sickness losing their grip on our lives. I now live and die by me, I have me back.

Out of this growth has come the realization that I desire to live my life correctly for the happiness of me and my family. In that is where we should live and what career I want to pursue that will allow me to be happy and not force me to sell my soul to corporate america again. I miss the Army terribly but not the missions in which the Army is being used.

So there is a brief and vague update of my life in case I have anyone out there still checking in on me. I have substituted daily anger with the love of a good woman (finally), the technical with Art, and conflict with quiet observation. I am growing again as a human and it feels right.

New Photo Collection - "Abandoned"

2006-12-25T04:46:00.000-05:00

I am excited to announce that I have a new photo collection posted at Flickr. It has been way too long, without my equipment and proper frame of mind, since I produced any decent art. This batch I think is my favorite so far!

With the help of my photo-mentor, Carnealian, we found an old creepy burned-out abandoned house deep in the woods flanked by a junk-ridden singlewide trailer. An old decrepit man came slithering out of there while we were sneaking around his property taking these interesting pics. To me it was a scene right out of a Rob Zombie movie. We got away unnoticed and with some IMHO incredible shots. Go see!

http://www.flickr.com/photos/bestraft/

The Cause of Death

2006-12-15T08:06:00.000-05:00

I am just putting this information out for any of you who are dog owners or are friends with someone who owns dogs. I have determined the cause of Zero's death. Lyme Disease.

On Thursday, my dog, Abby, had a black bump on her ear that looked like a skin tag. My first thought was that it was a tick and we should remove it but we did not see any legs. Zero had a skin tag that looked similar so we didn't think much of it. The next day it ballooned and fell off. That told me definitely it was a tick.

Saturday, Abby began to limp on her front leg without any obvious sign of injury or tenderness to the touch. That scared me because it was the same symptoms Zero exhibited in June, 5 months before he suddenly died. That night I put 2 and 2 together and thought maybe it was lyme disease. The next morning when I got home, I looked up lyme disease in dogs and found that indeed forepaw limping and soreness is a determining symptom in canine lyme disease!

We took her to the vet that day and told them my concerns. She tested positive for lyme, moderately progressed. Though the tick recently could not have been the carrier, we knew that both dogs must have had ticks all year that we did not find. She is doing better on antibiotics now and should make a full recovery.

Check your dogs for ticks often and be aware of the telltale signs before you lose a loved one like I did.

Another Thing I Told You a Year Ago....

2006-10-25T09:03:00.000-05:00

Though I desperately hate reducing myself to proving to you how right I have been for over a year now by providing shallow news commentary, I just can't resist when a few tidbits cross my path. I have not spoken about the shift in view of who our enemy really is (islam and muslims not just some make-believe 'radical' group) but if you've listened to talk radio or TV editorial news, then you may have noticed similarities in today's rhetoric and what I had been saying more than a year ago. Eventually the world wil lcome around to my point-of-view ;)

One of the many aspects of Iraq that you, as a regular reader of my blog, new first handedly last year......

From my military Early Bird news site:

New York Times
October 25, 2006
Pg. 1

Idle Contractors Add Millions To Iraq Rebuilding
By James Glanz

Overhead costs have consumed more than half the budget of some reconstruction projects in Iraq, according to a government estimate released yesterday, leaving far less money than expected to provide the oil, water and electricity needed to improve the lives of Iraqis.
The report provided the first official estimate that, in some cases, more money was being spent on housing and feeding employees, completing paperwork and providing security than on actual construction.
Those overhead costs have ranged from under 20 percent to as much as 55 percent of the budgets, according to the report, by the Special Inspector General for Iraq Reconstruction. On similar projects in the United States, those costs generally run to a few percent.
The highest proportion of overhead was incurred in oil-facility contracts won by KBR Inc., the Halliburton subsidiary formerly known as Kellogg Brown & Root, which has frequently been challenged by critics in Congress and elsewhere.
The actual costs for many projects could be even higher than the estimates, the report said, because the United States has not properly tracked how much such expenses have taken from the $18.4 billion of taxpayer-financed reconstruction approved by Congress two years ago.
The report said the prime reason was not the need to provide security, though those costs have clearly risen in the perilous environment, and are a burden that both contractors and American officials routinely blame for such increases.
Instead, the inspector general pointed to a simple bureaucratic flaw: the United States ordered the contractors and their equipment to Iraq and then let them sit idle for months at a time.
The delay between “mobilization,” or assembling the teams in Iraq, and the start of actual construction was as long as nine months.
“The government blew the whistle for these guys to go to Iraq and the meter ran,” said Jim Mitchell, a spokesman for the inspector general’s office. “The government was billed for sometimes nine months before work began.”
The findings are similar to those of a growing list of inspections, audits and investigations that have concluded that the program to rebuild Iraq has often fallen short for the most mundane of reasons: poorly written contracts, ineffective or nonexistent oversight, needless project delays and egregiously poor construction practices.
“This report is the latest chapter in a long, sad and expensive tale about how contracting in Iraq was more about shoveling money out the door than actually getting real results on the ground,” said Stephen Ellis, a vice president at Taxpayers for Common Sense in Washington.
“These contracts were to design and build important items for oil infrastructure, hospitals and education, but in some cases more than half of the money padded corporate coffers instead,” he said.
Although the federal report places much of the burden for the charges squarely on the shoulders of United States officials in Baghdad, the findings varied widely over a sampling of contracts examined by auditors, from a low of under 20 percent for some companies to a high of over 55 percent.
One oil contract awarded to a joint venture between Parsons, an American company, and Worley, from Australia, had overhead costs of at least 43 percent, the report found. One contract held by Parsons alone to build hospitals and prisons had overhead of at least 35 percent; in another, it was 17 percent.
The lowest figure was found for certain contracts won by Lucent, at 11 percent, but the report indicates that substantial portions of the overhead in those cases could not be determined.
The report did not explain why KBR’s overhead costs on those contracts — the contracts totaled about $296 million — were more than 10 percent higher than those at the other companies audited. Despite past criticism of KBR, the Army, which administers those contracts, has generally agreed to pay most of the costs claimed by the company.
Melissa Norcross, a spokeswoman for KBR, said in a written reply to questions, “It is important to note that the special inspector general is not challenging any of KBR’s costs referenced in this report.”
“All of these costs were incurred at the client’s direction and for the client’s benefit,” she said, referring to the Army Corps of Engineers, which is in charge of the oil contract.
But a frequent Halliburton critic, Representative Henry A. Waxman, a California Democrat who is the ranking minority member of the House Committee on Government Reform, disputed those assurances. “It’s incomprehensible that over $160 million — more than half the value of the contract — was squandered on overhead,” Mr. Waxman said in a written statement.
The majority leader of the same committee, Thomas M. Davis III, a Virginia Republican, declined to comment.
A spokeswoman for Parsons, Erin Kuhlman, said the United States categorized overhead and construction costs differently from contract to contract in Iraq, making it difficult to make direct comparisons. “Parsons incurred, billed and reported actual costs as directed by the government,” she said.
In Iraq, where construction materials are scarce and contractors must provide security for work sites and housing for Western employees, officials have said they expect the overhead to be at least 10 percent, but the contractors and American officials have grudgingly conceded that the true costs have turned out to be higher.
But even the high of 55 percent could be an underestimate, Mr. Mitchell said, because the government often did not begin tracking overhead costs for months after the companies mobilized. He added that because of the haphazard way in which the government tracked the costs, it was not possible to say how well the figures reflected overhead charges in the entire program.
The report’s conclusions were drawn from $1.3 billion in contracts for which United States government overseers actually made an effort to track overhead costs, of the total of $18.4 billion set aside for reconstruction in specific supplemental funding bills for the 2006 fiscal year.
When all American and Iraqi contributions are added up, various estimates for the cost of the rebuilding program range from $30 billion to $45 billion. Language included in the Defense Authorization Act, signed by President Bush last week, states that the inspector general’s office will halt its examination of those expenditures by October of next year.
Maj. Gen. William H. McCoy, who until recently commanded the Persian Gulf region division of the Corps of Engineers, disputed some of the inspector general’s findings in a letter appended to the report. Things like “waiting for concrete to cure” could still be taking place during what seem to be periods of inactivity, General McCoy wrote, so a quiet period “does not mean that the project is not moving forward.”
But many of the delays came during 2004 and took place in response to political developments in Iraq, the inspector general’s report says. The American occupation government, the Coalition Provisional Authority, mobilized many of the companies early that year.
After the authority went out of existence in June 2004, handing sovereignty to the Iraqi government, top American officials then kept the companies idle for months as the officials rewrote the rebuilding plan, and ran up costs as little work was done.

Zero: ? - 21 Oct 06

2006-10-21T15:23:00.000-05:00

For those of you that know me personally, you know that I love my two dogs, Abby & Zero. Well, today Zero died of apparent natural causes at 1420. I was fortunate enough to be home with the family as he passed. He was a wonderful loving dog and will be deeply missed.

He was named "Zero" because I rescued him from being put down back in 1998. He had zero time left to live. I was contacted by a Pointer rescue program near Athens, GA, that told me they had a young dog that was 2 weeks overdue to be terminated. They had been forestalling the termination by promising the SPCA that they would find a home. They were desperate until they found me. With the help of my oldest friend, Bob, I drove from Central PA to Washington DC then we both drove to GA to get Zero. It was a heck of a weekend driving back and forth to GA like that but Zero was well worth it.

Abby now is confused and looking for him.....

Hypocrisy

2006-10-13T07:55:00.000-05:00

Many times I have tried to enlighten my readers to the obvious hypocrisy that is prevalent in the american mindset. Prevalent isn't even accurate enough, maybe 'essential to' the american mindset captures it. So, for all you statisticians out there, here's one for ya....

Human Rights Watch has estimated Saddam Hussein's regime killed 250,000 to 290,000 people over 20 years.

Wasn't our justification for "staying the course" our humanitarian actions in that region? I guess it is easier to reduce the need for housing and infrastructure rather than actually rebuild during our 'reconstruction' efforts.

No more dead Iraqis.

Interesting Lecture

2006-10-11T08:33:00.000-05:00

Brooks E. Kleber
Memorial Readings in Military History
3rd Annual Readings Series

“Is Iraq Another Vietnam?”

Dr. Robert K. Brigham
Shirley Ecker Boskey Professor of History and International Relations
Vassar College

Since the first days of the Iraqi invasion, supporters of the war have cautioned the public not to view this conflict as another Vietnam. They rightfully point to many important distinctions. There is no unified resistance in Iraq. No political or religious leader has been able to galvanize opposition to U.S. intervention the way that Ho Chi Minh did in Vietnam. And it is not likely that 580,000 American troops will find their way to Iraq. However, there are two similarities that may dwarf the thousands of differences. First, in Iraq, like Vietnam, the original rationale for going to war has been discredited and public support has dwindled. Second, in both cases the new justification became building stable societies. There are enormous pitfalls in America's nation building efforts in Iraq as there were in Vietnam. But it is the business we now find ourselves in, and there is no easy retreat from it morally. As American frustration increases, some policy makers are making the deadly mistake of approaching problems in Iraq as if we are facing them for the first time. It is crucial that we apply the lessons of Vietnam wisely and selectively.

Dr. Robert K. Brigham, Shirley Ecker Boskey Professor of History and International Relations, has taught at Vassar since 1994. He teaches courses on the history of American foreign relations and modern America. Along with several teaching awards, Brigham has also earned fellowships from the Rockefeller Foundation, the Mellon Foundation, the National Endowment for Humanities, the Smith Richardson Foundation, the Eisenhower World Affairs Institute, the Cooper Foundation, the Gilman Foundation, and the Social Sciences Committee in Hanoi, Vietnam. In addition, Brigham has been Albert Shaw Endowed Lecturer at Johns Hopkins University, a Mellon Senior Visiting Scholar at Cambridge University (Clare College), and was a visiting professor of international relations at the Watson Institute for International Studies at Brown University. Brigham is author of numerous books and essays on American foreign relations, including Guerrilla Diplomacy: The NLF’s Foreign Relations and the Vietnam War (Cornell, 1998); Argument Without End: In Search of Answers to the Vietnam Tragedy (PublicAffairs, 1999) written with Robert S. McNamara and James G. Blight; ARVN: Life and Death in the South Vietnamese Army (Kansas, 2006); and Is Iraq Another Vietnam? (PublicAffairs, 2006). Brigham is currently working on a textbook on the Vietnam War with Mark P. Bradley (Oxford) and a monograph on John F. Kennedy’s national security strategy (Cambridge).

DATE: Thursday, October 12, 2006
TIME: The doors open at 6:00 p.m. the talk begins at 6:45 p.m.
PLACE: Ridgway Hall, Carlisle Barracks, PA.
For more information, please call (717) 245-3803.
For updates and any last-minute changes in “Perspectives” meeting times and places, please check the AHEC homepage: http://www.carlisle.army.mil/ahec/index.htm

The Disillusioned View of North Korea

2006-10-09T18:22:00.000-05:00

It is not unrealistic to understand that not every country or culture on this earth appreciates nor respects the position we hold as the world's only (active) superpower. In our situation we can come off as overbearing and overreaching. Our american-centric view of how the world should operate is shortsighted and ignorant. Obviously these factors go into what forms others' opinions of us. It is clear that there are many countries finally tired enough of our imposition that have decided to stand up against the coercion and chose their own paths.

Having said that, I applaud the self-determination and sovereignty of any culture /nation. I think every nation with a legitimate, for-the-people government, should have a nuke. I think every american, from 18 to 2 minutes after death, should own and carry a firearm. But sometimes people and nations make a noose out of the rope they are given. I hope N.K. will use their power wisely as a nose-thumbing to the rest of the world. If not, they should be prepared for the shitstorm us nuclear countries will unleash on their puny asses.

Bet you wouldn't expect me to say this.....

2006-09-24T22:24:00.000-05:00

This is a response to a comment made by one of the earliest, most respected, and loyal readers of this blog. I hesitate to make new posts to comments but this time it seems appropriate. Thank you Interstellar Lass.....

InterstellarLass said...

I can't believe that you would accept anyone making the comments Chavez made about the leader of our country. It's kinda like family. You can tease someone for being bald/chubby/ditzy whatever, but someone teases your family member about that, and it's on. I'm shocked Dean. I can understand you're angry, and you feel screwed, and probably rightly so. But I expected better.

Please. I am an only child for one. Second, I find that sense of protection shallow, self-serving, and hypocritical. Do we all live in that bubble of american delusion that I have suspected and accused everyone of? Do you all think that the world really respects our president, our government, or our "way of life" (I did not say 'culture' purposely because I maintain we have none and will never have an american culture due to the negating effects of 'multiculturalism'). I like freedom of speech, I like freedom of information, hell, I like freedom - personal and societal. So if we actually get some open and accurate feedback from a foreigner who is not intimidated by our political, economic, and military influence over the world...then so be it!!! Freedom should be for all mankind, not just politicians and the sheeple of america. We are not a God-annointed 800 lb gorrilla crouched in the world's corner, but we act like an 800 lb deaf, dum, and blind kid who needs ritalin with regards to our behavior and international affairs.

Maybe we can take a step back, look at what we really have become as a politic, and see how others view us. They are allowed to have opinions based on experience and evidence too. We haven't yet placed tariffs on that....soon maybe.

Now, I have done a lot of soul searching, challenging my own points-of-view, reliving my experiences, sorting truth from the multitude of fiction pumped to us by the media, talked to many many different people and truly listened. This is what I have recently concluded, simplistic as it may be, I stand behind it and hope it some day may be a true focal point for a movement. Here it is: No more dead Iraqis.

Over 6500 Iraqis were killed in the violence that is due to our presence in that region. Our inability and politically motivated unwillingness to wrap it up and conclude perpetuates the killing cycle. Less than 10 american lives were lost, yet we were outraged at the carnage and death toll we have to suffer. Would you not be outraged enough to the point of violent action if your family, friends, and neighbors were being victimized and pointlessly subjugated? We (read "Ronald Dumsfeld") expect that "our work will be done there when the insurgency is stopped. Sooner or later they will be tired of dying." Does the american spirit include a characteristic similar to what we expect the Iraqis to accept? We expect the Iraqi citizens to allow us (imperialistically) to subjugate them for their own good...we know better than they do what is right for them. I do not in any way suggect that the deaths of the american soldiers were justified, and I do not encourage that in the least. But let's remember the beginnings as a nation...we were not born as a nation through peaceful nor diplomatic means. We fought back the British who treated us very similarly. Dozens of other examples.

How many people died under Saddam per month due to his violence?

Once again.... No more dead Iraqis

Durka Durka Durka Mohammed Jihad

2006-09-20T12:00:00.000-05:00

At home for a few hours instead of duty....some thoughts.

a) Let's take an example from Thailand. Please.

b) Hugo Chavez rocks. You smell sulfur too?

c) Evo Morales rocks more.

d) Pope Benedict went from hero to zero pretty quick. The pope now kissing islam's ass because they predictably act in a violent un-peaceful way? Oh ya, insulting their dude is legitimate reason. Someone may need to redefine "peaceful religion" to me. Not seeing any obvious evidence from the f*&%$ng ragheads.

e) Paul Harvey, now a mouthpiece for american brainwashing, reindoctrinates us all by reminding us that conclusively now that "communism does not work. Cuba is falling apart. In havana alone, 500 buildings fall and crumble into the pot-holed streets every year. Communism does not work." Has anyone told hime the cold war is over? Has anyone suggested to him that the only reason that Cuba is economically feeble is because of U.S. embargoes on the 2 main products / exports? Hell, democracy would fail there too! Not that I am pro-communist, not at all. I am truly all for seeing things as they are...cause / effect, instead of these obvious lies that rely on our intellectual laziness to perpetuate.

Think about this....

Baaaaaahh, Baaaaahhhhhh!!

2006-09-11T17:02:00.000-05:00

Hear the sheeple bleeting the rhetoric of this new quasi-holiday? Sickens me every year when we "observe" the tragedy that happened 5 years ago. Tragedy is that most people are unthinking enough to allow the obvious cover stories of our own Federal Government sink in and be parrotted as truth. Lies folks, lies. True, almost 3000 real americans lost their lives in the plot, but the reason.....heinous. With Great Britain standing by our side, propping up our own version of the Emperor's New Clothes, we keep repeating the self-deluding mantra of neo-patriotism. Terrorists this and terrorists that and Cheney stating that he didn't expect the insurgency to last this long in Iraq. Has anyone actually studied real american history? And my own Pennsylvanians, lining up like retarded lemmings to honor an empty hole in the ground from a plane that never actually crashed at Shanksville...stuff makes me proud. The rest of the world shakes their head in amazement that we have created and perpetuated the absurd state of affairs that we americans now live in. By the way, what color is it today? Do I need to wear my aluminum beanie or haven't the terrorists yet launched the brain scanning satellites yet?

Today sickens me every year that those that died at the WTC, those comrades of mine that have died as heroes in the Middle East (not those idiots who died because they were shitty soldiers), and those who are overlooked because they serve out their year missions successfully, have all done so knowing that we've all been lied to and few people seem to care.

Gary Coleman

2006-09-03T22:07:00.000-05:00

So many facets of my life right now are unsettled. I had to stand in from of officers days ago and explain to them that my old unit set me up on a path for failure. Given the nature of single-fatherhood, I decided that I am unable to get my Family Care Plan together in a reasonable amount of time and thus should be honorably discharged from the Army. Sad fact is that the bastards at the 17th could have easily done the right thing and I would have easily and happily continued on as a soldier. No more did I leave their offices with an extension on my leave and instructions on how to start the separation paperwork did I begin missing the Army and being a soldier.

So I made a choice, probably the 2nd worst choice of my life, and am trudging on. My first hope is to get employment as an Army civilian back in Germany. This separation paperwork could take 2 months or so, therefore I have some time. But my awesome relationship back in Germany might not hold forever. Nothing is easy or clear at this point except that living in central PA is much less preferrable than living in a tent in Iraq.

If I get stuck living here in the States, I will migrate towards Philly most likely. I have some very close friends there that have encouraged me to move nearer them. It will definitely be better than right here, and I love spending time with them, but Philly is not the same as being back in Germany. Maybe we all will move back to Germany together someday.

On a more political note, I just read an article in the paper today stating that Opium crops in Afghanistan have increased this year by (I think) 65%. Any other questions about why we invaded them? Natural gas and owning both ends of the War on Drugs. Sweet!

I Am Not Stephen Colbert

2006-08-28T22:56:00.000-05:00

Shameless attempt at increased web traffic. Please visit my photography on Flickr

Otherwise life is still frustrating. I don't know where to start except to reiterate that I have been pretty much irepparably screwed by my former unit. Good thing the damned 17th Sig Bn is now dead and deactivated. Unfortunately the cancer-like NCO corp there have metastasized throughout the rest of the army.

I have been trying to overcome all the logistics of being a single father in todays army while trying to survive an intercontinental PCS move. I realized tonight that each hurdle I have overcome has simply made way for the next. I am set to go to school at Ft. Gordon, GA. on 31 Aug. Guess what, no plans for the kids. To shorten a terribly long saga, I realized tonight that most likely all the strategic signal battalions work shift work while the frequeent-field-excercise tactical signal battalions will most likely deploy within the next 2 years. So, as a single father, I can't do either. One more good reason I should have been allowed to stay in Germany. In a few hours, when I wake, I will make another call. This time to a Chaplain in hopes of finally starting the process of separation from the army based on my inability to provide adequate care for my children. I am unable to provide a viable Family Care Plan and so am unable to continue as a soldier. I agree and the policy makes a lot of sense. --BUT-- The shame is that I had the answer all lined up while in Germany 6 months ago but was told that I didn't know well enough!!!

Today's moment of Zen

click for larger view

NOW

2006-08-28T16:21:00.000-05:00

I want out, now. I am done messing with people, I want chaptered out of the army now. My family situation does not allow me the flexibility I need (read as "I can't spread wide enough") and my children and our lives are my priority, not showing up for some dumb $#%$$ school I didn't want anyway.

Oh, and thanks 17th Sig Bn for forcing me into that sham of a re-enlistment. Bastards.

Lies from the Tablecloth

2006-08-10T16:36:00.000-05:00

Anyone else outraged at the absurdity of the most recent "terrorist" attack that was thwarted in England? Please. Now no gels and liquids on planes? What I appreciate is the subtle mind programming our shit-ass government uses to keep the sheeples in line with their thoughts. and attitudes. I was at the gym this afternoon watching the reports on the TV when some worthless politician stated, "The attempt to bring liquid and gel explosives onto the plane appears similar to what an Al Qaeda plot would be." 90 minutes later, it is announced that security stopped an Al Qaeda plot to blow up planes "mass murder on an unimagineable scale."

Challenge to the thinking person.... Who is Al Qaeda? Name someone in it besides bin Laden. Where are they? what do they do? What have they done? Al Qaeda in Iraq was a joke, dubbed that by an insurgent trying to ride the coat tails of the popular american boogymen. The term Al Qaeda has been programmed into the collective mentality of americans as a knee-jerk term there to create a complete and prejudiced reaction and opinion. We already decide before we hear an y facts!! Anyone familiar with the word "nazi"? Same process.

Face it. Al Qaeda does not exist as a terrorist group, there is no evidence of their existence!! Ever see the movie The Village? Al Qaeda has been propped up as the boogeymen in the woods to keep the ignorants in line and at home. Someone show me that they exist.

And now Bush calls them all "Islamic Fascists" Fascists. Fascists? Please. Tell me that I am the only one that sees the absurd irony in that.

Face it folks. the answers seem simple. The unrest in the middle east is rooted in Zionism and has not been around for thousands of years. The creation of the independent nation of Isreal is what the muslims are pissed off about. Isreal blasting the shit out of Lebanon doesn't help either, but I don't want to take sides on that issue here and now. The "terrorist" problem will exist as long as the middle east land structure exists as it does not. The unrest in the middle east will too.

Watch yourselves and question every statement that the government and the media makes to you. It is subtle, very subtle, but persistent.

Instant Karma

2006-08-08T15:38:00.000-05:00

So, at first when we saw this sign, we were in disbelief. Carnealian pulled over at my request so we could take the pics. I still think it is terribly funny and no picture of me, ever, has been so true. We laughed in disbelief that we just earned ourselves a special room in Hell for this act of humor. Think about it....shouldn't it be "mentalLY" impaired? Poor grammar does not reflect well on the self-declared "un-impaired" who make these signs. But the most bizarre thing is WHY these 2 signs define the M.I.C. Zone as they do. As a motorist, why do I need to know the problems of the residence whom I drive past? The only sign similar that makes any kind of sense to me is the "Deaf Child Area" sign. Understandable as a motorist I might need to know that the child that refuses to get out of the road despite my blaring horn and screamed invectives really isn't so insolent to ignore me, but simply just can't hear me.

But what problem is this sign avoiding? I can't imagine the M.I.C. running loose on the roads frequently enough to precipitate the necessity of warning passing motorists. Shouldn't the M.I.C.'s parents be a bit more attentive than to let him / her run unattended around main roads?? Never had a thought a sign could ever make up for poor parenting.

...but yet, we can proclaim to all passers-by that an M.I.C. is nigh, but we can't stick a sign up declaring that "Pedophile lives here". That knowledge would truly benefit the community.

But what part of this has anything to do with "instant karma"? Well, not so instant but temporally close enough. Today I was driving my son to a friend's house several miles from here. I thought it would be nice to ride with the windows down instead of A/C. On the way, I was struck in the ear by a bug, no biggie. About 20 miles later I feel an increasing pain in my ass cheek. A little slowly I put 2 and 2 together and realized that all that time agao, it must have been a bee that hit me. I yelled at the first sting while I was driving at 60 mph, wondering what the hell really was going on. I tried to find a place to pull off the road but didn't find one in time. WHAM!! One more sting a little lower on the same ass cheek. Bastard got me twice! Thought they could only sting once but I guess he did it slow enough that it didn't rip him apart. I slammed the brakes on at the opening of a driveway. Trying to get out of my truck while I have my body arched inside to avoid sitting on the bastard again, is not at all easy. Zak jumped out - half afraid of the unseen bee. I jumped out finally, screaming to have him get it off. Zak yelled that it was hanging off my ass but then flew off. Damn thing. After the sting subsided a bit, we laughed uncontrollably and ran the A/C.

CONUS

2006-08-03T21:16:00.000-05:00

Made it back to the States, against my will, and am staying in PA until 29 Aug. Sucked leaving Germany and the woman I love. Hope to see any / all of you while I am here and before Georgia.

2006-07-27T06:26:00.000-05:00

Just got a reply from the Signal Branch in reference to the screw up in my orders. Basically, I am told I am S.O.L. If I miss this school date then I have to wait until January or Feb. They suggest I put my kids somewhere and report on time. Ya, I go from Frankfurt to Philly to Augusta and report all in 48 sleepless hours. And I am supposed to get a flight booked like that this close to time? Right.

Back to considering dropping out and working in Germany. If anyone has any legit contacts for companies in Europe that hire veterans, please notify me immediately!

Updates

2006-07-26T13:15:00.000-05:00

So much has been happening lately and hardly any of it good. I am not one to complain about the lot I am dealt in life if I can figure how I precipitated it. Good karma / Bad karma all should add up. But I tend to suffer a great imbalance. Take for example the fact thatI am still an E-4, by no fault, misdeed, or deficiency of my own. I am an E-4 simply and solely because a certain Platoon Sergeant in HHC, 17th Sig Bn decided that he never wanted to see me become a SGT. That was 2 years ago. he's done well with the shy smiles covering the purposeful mishaps that prevent my paperwork from crossing the hall to the right office. I know too many people and those people tell me what he has said to them about my promotion. Why a grudge against me? No valid reason; never refused a duty, always worked beyond the standard and the level of my peers; stood in for E-6 shop foremen when on leave, worked on an E-5 level the entire deployment to Iraq. Maybe I am just too white.

So how now does this apply? Well, in the process of "clearing" to leave and come back to the U.S. (I come kicking and screaming), I need to turn in all my issued military equipment. It is very important and if you are missing items, you are rtesponsible for them financially. I was scheduled to turn my stuff in Tuesday knowing that I was without a whole sleeping bag assembly which was lost on a mission in Iraq. When it was lost I did the correct thing and notified my Plt Sgt and my supply Sgt. Normally during an excercise or deployment when things are lost a memo is generated annotating a "field loss" and thus accounting for the missing item, relieving the financial responsibility from the soldier. My Plt Sgt stated that it wouldn't be necessary, that he would "take care of it" by doing inventories before redeploying back to Germany. He never turned the paperwork in during the required 90 days after return. So there I stand, unable to "clear" because this joker screwed me over again. I refuse to pay the $400 for a new assembly because, frankly, I am a freakin E-4 with 2 kids and will be losing my extra pay once I return to america. Asshole.

So, all it should now take is a memo from my Chain of Command stating that this is indeed what happened. I was told, "No, doing that memo would be too much trouble for us to do." Nice. I guess the upside is that I can't leave country until it is resolved.

Speaking of that, here's the whopper. During the clearing process, orders are produced to send you to the next duty station. This info includes dates, times, units, etc. Mine state clearly at the top that my Report Date to Ft. Gordon, GA, is 31 Aug 06. Everything has been based on that date. Yesterday i was offhandedly told that, "whoops, the orders are messed up. They say you have a school start date of 04 Aug 06. Don't know what you're gonna do."

Yep, I have a Leave form for most of the month of August in which I need to bring my 2 kids back, buy a car, look for housing in GA, and report to my new unit. Now, because people can't do their jobs with any kind of competency level, they are telling me that I fly on 02 Aug, arrive 03 Aug, and report for duty on 04 Aug. Wrong answer. Gotta make a few calls shortly because, you may have guessed, those with rank and responsibility don't want anything to do with it.

And the final nail is that in a few days I have to leave a wonderful woman behind because of the shit all these assholes have pulled.

Oh, and after this Friday, I will be out of contact for an unknown amount of time until I move to the states. I will be reachable by cell phone only after 01 Aug.

Random Photo. Please visit my Photo Collection on Flickr.

Ethical Reasons

2006-07-13T16:00:00.000-05:00

Shake off the brainwashing that the government and media have slowly imposed on you and watch some real provocative information about what your government has done. The "official story" has been repeated ad nauseum so that we forget what we ourselves saw on the TV during the event. Use your open minds on this.

Look and watch

Scientific Reasons

2006-07-13T06:02:00.000-05:00

So many people have asked why I want to stay in Germany and never go back to the States. Just ran across some independent research that gives some insight....

"Italy came out best in 66th place, ahead of Germany (81), Japan (95), Britain (108), Canada (111), France (129), the United States (150) and Russia, in lowly 172nd place."

1461 Days More

2006-07-10T04:24:00.000-05:00

Long story very short....

Because of my situation with the Army, due to some corrupt NCO's in the 17th Sig Bn Chain of Command, I have now accepted a top school back in Georgia and re-enlisted for 4 more years. In the picture are Sgt. Marcellus, Sadie, Cpt. Rodriguez (my convoy leader down-range), me, and Zak. The flag was our convoy team flag in Iraq. The long story is available upon request. Click image to view larger....

Jingoism = Ignorance + Patriotism + Inaction

2006-07-02T11:36:00.000-05:00

Happy 4th of July to all you american patriots supporting the war!!!

9/11 - Let Us Remember

2006-06-20T18:20:00.000-05:00

Ok, in 3 months or less we'll mourn the anniversary of 9/11. Let's erase and deprogram ourselves from the shit propaganda that the US gov't and media have dealt us and try to find some real facts. This is not a conspiracy theory...much to the opposite. This is sifting through the crap to find the corn.

Here it goes....

Who were the 18 - 20 people that executed the 9/11 attack? Most Egyptian and Saudis, right? Makes sense to go into Afghanistan then first.

bin Laden, tho an asshole, never claimed direct responsibility for the attack nor has there been any direct evidence that he had, we just suspected that he was the one.

The Taliban had nothing to do with bin Laden nor the attacks, the worst they did, if you remember, is make the statement "even if he was hiding here, we would not turn him over to you."

Saddam and Iraq, tho an asshole and a hellish place, again had even less to do with the attacks. He even sent sympathy to Bush shortly after.

We can read a license plate a Wrigley Field but we can't find the tallest, most well-known muslim in the middle east?

Results: Taliban were toppled as part of the cleanup from the 80's activities by the CIA to support the Afghans against the Russians. fact is, WE put the taliban in power then. Fact also is, part of the CIA clean up from that time includes bin Laden who was our main agent against the Russians and trained at our own Ft. Benning.
Afghanistan produces 80% of the world's opium/heroin. The CIA had come across the fields inevitably but instead of clearing them as part of the "War on Drugs", the 'preserved' them so as not to 'upset the fragile local economy'. Nothing like being able to control both sides of a drug war.
The first document the new king/gov't signed was a treaty giving us access to the Caspian Sea for a pipeline to the gulf. That sea is the world's largest repository of natural gas.
Why are we still there? Besides the occaisional death, what reporting keeps us updated on the status of that fledgeling gov't? none. All a sham.

Iraq. The humanitarian attrocities committed by Saddam were prior to the 1st gulf war. Nothing in comparison to how our great and fearful country was founded. Iraq makes the news repeatedly on a daily basis. Blah Blah Blah. Mind-numbing propaganda. Safer there than in Detroit. But why was Saddam removed? Not to capture the oil reserves but to keep OPEC from goin to a Euro standard instead of the current US Dollar standard. Why? Because every other country on earth has a gold-standard for their money. We did until Nixon, now it is based on "natural resources" like trees and national parks. So basically we've made an unfair advantage of being able to value our trees to whatever we want and print the money for oil while everyone else has to show backing for their currency. Sweet deal until you lose it. Saddam was quieted. We stay as a complex and obvious money-laundering system for the current administration and then some.

Iran.
Connect the dots. Too easy.

The Boondocks - Gin Rummy

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Again with the Islam and an american Update

2006-06-06T10:31:00.000-05:00

Ya, I thought this argument was dead but here is a great discourse on what I have been proclaiming for a long while now. Just passing on the info.

Other than that, being back in america has been a mixed emotionally. My dog, Zero, has been suffering with some unknown physical problem that causes him to cry and act like he's hindered when laying down or getting up. But then he walks around the yard and digs holes like nothing is wrong.

Also, I have realized some deep conflicts in my attitudes toward the area in which I grew up. In a way I am happy to be visiting but can't wait to get back to my life in Europe. But in another way, I realize that I may only be back here a few times ever in the future. More frightening is the idea that I may exit the army and be stuck coming back to this area (semi) permanently. That is quite my last choice because that means that I would have failed transitioning into a good career after my contract with the army is complete. So much is on the line for our lives just over this summer.

Lastly, my son "graduates" 8th grade today, so that means my hairstyle will get normalized, much to my sadness.

Jet Setter

2006-05-30T05:56:00.000-05:00

So, here I am back in the States again. I'll be here for a few weeks until I get back to the drama with the Army. If anyone wants to buy me a beer, just let me know ;)

.

2006-05-21T08:28:00.000-05:00

McKinney's Magic Trick

2006-05-06T16:01:00.000-05:00

Since my friend Joe McKinney was put off by the fact that I haven't talked about him or his own self-promoting universe, I decided to dedicate this entry to my favorite (insert noun). So here it goes....

McKinney, McKinney, McKinney, McKinney, McKinney, McKinney, McKinney, McKinney, McKinney, McKinney, McKinney, McKinney, McKinney, McKinney, McKinney, McKinney, McKinney, McKinney, McKinney, McKinney, McKinney, McKinney, McKinney, McKinney, McKinney, McKinney, McKinney, McKinney, McKinney, McKinney, McKinney, McKinney, McKinney, McKinney, McKinney, McKinney, McKinney, McKinney, McKinney, McKinney, McKinney, McKinney, McKinney, McKinney, McKinney, McKinney, McKinney, McKinney, McKinney, McKinney, McKinney, McKinney, McKinney, McKinney, McKinney, McKinney, McKinney, McKinney, McKinney, McKinney, McKinney, McKinney, McKinney, McKinney, McKinney, McKinney, McKinney, McKinney, McKinney, McKinney, McKinney, McKinney, McKinney, McKinney, McKinney, McKinney, McKinney, McKinney....

There. And now for a special treat, here he is doing his soon-to-be World Famous Magic Trick.
You can download this for keeps using the link to the right under the Videos section.

Behind Every Good Man There Is a Woman....

2006-05-04T13:55:00.000-05:00

...most likely looking at his butt.

Sure, we like to think that the sexes are truly different, but we all know that dirty little secret that we are all the same. All the same except for one vital skill that men possess and women have no clue or even the chance to receive training. That basic difference was on my mind the other day as I took a break from higher brain functions. My thoughts follow....

Urinal Etiquette
There I was, manhood in hand in a typical 3 urinal arrangement when I thought to myself that a 3 urinal arrangement is the stupidest and most wasteful way to set up a man's bathroom. Let me explain.... The middle urinal gets used a small fraction of the times that the two end urinals get used. Why? Fear of the ever-possible meat-gazer. Two urinals spread sufficiently apart are just as effective as three urinals in the same space PLUS it actually saves money on cleaning costs by one-third.

For the ladies, here's the dealio. I walk into an empty bathroom and scope out the urinal arrangemtn. I see 3 open urinals, my choice. I chose an end one simply because of the possibility that while mid-stream, another urinator will walk in and need to do the deed. Taking the end urinal affords the potential piss-partner the comfort of sufficient distance as well as a urinal of equal status. We would pee in balance.

Social deviants, control freaks, or perverts will chose the middle urinal based on their own sick needs to force people to their wills. I tested this theory several times with similar results. Each time I chose a middle urinal, the next urinator to enter invariably stopped, scoped the situation, then took the stall.

So to sum up my findings; the three urinal layout is totally without merit and highly inefficient. A 4 urinal layout increases usability by 58% because 2 urinators can safely and securely take care of business in the required 2 urinal spacing with either of the 2 pairs of urinals. A 5 urinal arrangement increases efficiency by another 28% because 3 streams can flow at once or another two can without even using the same smelly urinal. Six urinals is just crazy; put up a trough with running water and herd us in like animals then.

Why I hate the New ACU (Army Combat Uniform)
Because whoever designed this travesty of garb must have been French, or at least a middle-school-aged girl. The Army Combat Uniform is silly by real soldier standards. Velcro, a zipper, a central location for rank.... all ideas derived from a syphilitic fever. A zipper, no not a fly, a zipper to zip up our cute little jackets. Cute now because they have these nifty areas of velcro for us to put or unit patches, nametapes, rank, flag. Sewing must have been too hard on the new recruits after Bush once again lowered the bar for enlistment standards. hell, we don't even shine shoes for a while. Shit, it used to be in you were too untrainable for a minimum wage job in america (with a small "a") then you could at least get a loaf of bread by shining someone's freakin' shoes. ( anyone see the pics of the Great Depression?) Our new recruits aren't even bestowed the opportunity for that job skill training. Must be too hard and we must be too desperate to send bullet-catchers to the big sandboxes.

Central rank. What idiot came up with this? Oh, ya, the idiot that has NEVER CARRIED A WEAPON. Here is a clue for you civilians... the weapon's strap covers the rank so you have no idea of the rank of the person to whom you are talking. This could be bad when being addressed by a First Sergeant or Sergeant Major. I know from experience.

Man Hours wasted. How you may ask Well, I have a slightly amusing anecdote to exemplify this. Man hours are now being wasted in an Army-wide game of grab-ass. How fun it is to walk down a hall, pass a soldier and in doing so, grab his unit patch off and whip it down the hallway as you run laughing. 34 seconds wasted as that other soldier runs to fetch his VELCRO PATCH.

So this only happens dozens of times per day, multiplied by dozens of soldiers. Three days ago, my friend walked up to me with a shit-eating-grin on his face as I sat doing some paperwork. Ya, I am vital - he isn't. I looked up and he ripped my patch off then threw it across the shop. bastard. Ok, I told him the game was on. I waited my time and as he was talking to our Platoon Sergeant, I walked by and ripped off his name tape and whipped it down the hall. Ha! I one-upped him.

Knowing that this can now never rest, I stayed on guard. The tit-for-tat went back and forth a few times, each time with me vowing to just get him when he least expects it. That was not an empty promise as PFC Stevenson soon found out.

At one point, he had just gotten me. I shook my head and smiled in admiration of his latest feat. Now, Stevenson usually takes his top off during duty and lays it near his station. But today he knew the stakes were high so he secured it somewhere without me knowing. Patience is a lesson taught well by Sun Tzu. I left the shop to do some tasks and upon my return to the shop I found his top laying by his station but he was no where to be found. BINGO!! I almost dropped the stuff in my hands to do my evil deeds. There were about 5 soldiers in the shop that had been entertained by the give-and-take thus far. These five witnessed my next attack.

In an effort to blow this out of the water, I decided that taking patches was too obvious and simple. I wanted to 0wn this guy and humiate him. So, knowing that he is on extra duty every day, I figured he would see a few First Sergeants or at best the Sergeant Major. So I sneaked over to his top, took his name tape and his U.S. Army tape and replaced them upside down. I figured the casual glance would show that all patches were present but he wouldn't know until it was too late that he looked stoopid and jacked up.

It worked. Stevenson told me the tale first thing this morning. Three hours after my assault he went to extra duty and immediately spoke with the SGM. Apparently the SGM had a shitty grin on his face the entire conversation but didn't bust him out for it. Four hours later, as Stevenson was walking out of extra duty, in front of several people, he looked down to notice the tapes upside down. He uttered The words aloud, "F*&^ing Dorman!!" Which just drew more attention to this. HA!! I win. I rule. Then he realized why the SGM was laughing....

Random photo....

Tactical Strategic Projectile Physics Excercise

2006-04-17T14:41:00.000-05:00

Or as we called it when we were kids...Swedish Dodgeball.

What the heck does this have to do with anything? Well, Bob just left yesterday and we had a conversation about him being a Gym Teacher. I've always teased him about it because he maintains he is a "physical education teacher". But then we got into a discussion about what gym teachers teach vs what PE teachers teach. According to him, he can't teach dodgeball in school anymore because it "has no educational value". But somehow teaching pushups to 3rd graders does. This is a battle of symantics on the surface but the reality is that dodgeball was removed from the public school educational system several years ago because it was deemed too violent. These were probably the same groups of intelligencia that forced us to have the Washington Wizards now instead of the old Bullets.

I maintained that Swedish Dodgeball is indeed educational and that he could easily slip it into his lesson plans by giving it a Politically Correct and thus blandly complicated name to describe it. Looking at it this way, one could justify the teaching of real-world physics by the use of man-powered projectiles with intent on calculating the correct vector to intersect a moving target. Besides, when assessing the amount of violence present in either culture, I must contend that those dodgeball geniuses in Sweden are a much more peaceful, non-violent, and beautiful culture. Maybe it is because they learn appropriately to take out their aggressions in harmless ways, like dodgeball.

As for me, yes I realize that my posting has been very infrequent. Truth is my life has been boring, frustrating, and disappointing. I am still rebuilding. But to rebuild I must first sort through the rubble. That seems to be taking much longer than I expected.

As an outlet, I have been sinking myself deeper into my photography. Please take a peek at my collections on the Flickr website. The latest ones I am very proud of. If you like them, please pass the link around, I'd like to get some exposure. I have even talked with a local photo studio to get pointers, see their process, and have my previous pics critiqued. I didn't do so bad in Herr Koch's opinion. Other reason is that his daughter catches my eye ;)

But anyway, I have consciously decided to NOT watch the news, not think of Iraq, not think of America. I just can't anymore. The thoughts of Iraq are becoming unsettled to me. I didn't realize how much I was effected but as time goes on, things surface. A fighter jet circled the sky the other day here doing training....gun fire at the local Rod & Gun Club....

Well, Less Boring .....

2006-04-08T09:02:00.000-05:00

So hop on over to Bob's Blog to read about our hijinx. All I can say is my face is busted up courtesy of the 4 friendly Labrynth Secirity Nazis.

Missed It....

2006-03-28T13:10:00.000-05:00

Was there for the beginning protests, wish I woulda been there for this.....

Paris sans L'Hilton

2006-03-23T12:53:00.001-05:00

Been living on the sunny side of the mountain lately, so here are some things that have been going on with me professionally and personally.

We switched to the new ACU uniforms this week. Style over function, feels like the French designed this one. A zipper on a uniform?? Please. And the velcro...what the hell were these people thinking. Funny watching soldiers sit close together and accidentally pull each others arm patches off because their velcro caught. I'd post a picture of me in them for visual reference but apparently it is impossible for me to get someone to take it for me....soon enough I will.

As of Monday, I will be the Section Sergeant for my shop's section. Didn't get promoted yet so they are getting their money's worth out of me. Been working late every day this week but today....today we came in an hour early so I can't catch a break. Feeling a bit exhausted. Going from lazy to physical labor is not the transition I like to make.

Been trying to set aside time each night to process all the pictures I took from our 3 days in Paris this past weekend. I took about 200 pics with the new Nikon and so many turned out better than I expected. So if you've been on my mailing list that's been receiving these, hope you're enjoying them there are more to come. If not, too bad, more to come anyway :)

Paris really changed my opinion. I admit it. I hated the French prior to this but Paris was not the dirty smelly city I was told it would be. Maybe the sewers in March are less odoriferous because of the cool air. Je ne sais pas. I was the only one of us that spoke French, so when the locals seemed to get a bit grumpy, I'd whip out some phrases and that seemed to ease the mood. There is nothing that can describe the Eiffel Tower at night when it is lit up. My pics can't even come close to capturing it. Realistically, it is just a metal tower with some christmas lights strung throughout. But somehow in a gestalt phenomenon, it takes your breath away. I am hoping to start a Flickr account (or similar) this weekend to house these pics and the other pics that I consider "art".

Unclever Title

2006-03-14T02:31:00.000-05:00

Just a few quick updates....

This Thursday will be the 17th Signal Battalion's Welcome Home Ceremony. To mark the occaision, our place of duty for the day is the base near my house for "mandatory fun" after a short, pompous, and circumstantial ceremony. I'll be standing in ranks as part of said ceremony. After the military business is through, we are rewarded with $1 beers and $1 wine. Somehow for that price I figure they will be serving them to us in Dixie cups instead of the traditional German .5 litre mugs. But to top it off, we have a little band playing at 2200. You may have heard of them....Staind. Yep, we got Staind :) Rumor had it that Godsmack was going to show up. Hell, the more the merrier!

On a personal note, I have pulled out of my terrible funk and am doing much better than expected. Many of you know why, too.

I just walked in from passing a PT test. Not bad for not trying because of just getting over bronchitis. Never failed one yet, and to top it off I lost 10 pounds on the "hefeweissen diet".

So, I am back to the sunny side of the egg instead of the frying pan side. I may be spending this coming (4-day) weekend in France, so lots of fun coming up. I just don't understand why everyone doesn't join the Army.....

Greensleeves

2006-03-08T05:44:00.000-05:00

"What does not kill you only makes you stronger." -Nietzche

I was hoping to be able to post the Creed of the Noncommissioned Officer today. Disappointingly though, I can't because I was kicked out of the promotion board. I wasn't kicked out because of anything more superficial than I had worn my short-sleeve dress shirt under my Class A jacket, and so did my sponsor.

The SGM had me recite the Soldier's Creed then the NCO Creed, then the Army Values....all of which I did well on. Then I was dismissed because I didn't have sleeves under my jacket. By AR 670-1, I have the option, but it seems to be tradition for boards and photos to wear the long sleeve shirt. Now I know.

Am I disappointed? Sure, a bit. Pissed? No, not at all. Adversity makes me stronger, diappointment makes me more independent, and experience makes me more wise. The other aspects of my life have greatly improved recently. So much so that the stress of being given short time to prep for this board overshadowed a lot of happiness. maybe that is why I am taking it so well right now; I have some time now to fully enjoy my peronal life for a while. The next board I will attend will be in April. Bob, you may be visiting at an interesting time....you may experience one of the biggest celebrations that you've ever been too when I get this promotion next month, a party of unexpected proportions!

My Only Creed Up To This Day

2006-03-06T16:12:00.000-05:00

I am an American Soldier.
I am a Warrior and a member of a team. I serve the people of the United States and live the Army Values.

I will always place the mission first.
I will never accept defeat.
I will never quit.
I will never leave a fallen comrade.

I am disciplined, physically and mentally tough, trained and proficient in my Warrior tasks and drills. I always maintain my arms, my equipment, and myself.
I am an expert and I am a professional.
I stand ready to deploy, engage, and destroy the enemies of the United States of America in close combat.
I am a guardian of Freedom and the American Way of Life.
I am an American Soldier.

So there you have it. This really is 99% of what I am right now and have been for 37 months so far. I say this creed today because today I am simply a soldier. Tomorrow, though, I stand before a promotion board to become a Non-Commissioned Officer. At that point I will live by an additional creed; the NCO Creed.

I say 99% because though I am a guardian of freedom and I understand the idealistic components of the theoretical "American Way of Life", too much in recent times have I hung my head in shame or bewilderment at what disgrace we broadcast to each other and the world as representation of our daily, de facto lives. And though I joined the Army to be part of a force of change in the world against movements to which I whole-heartedly object, I also realize that my greatest effects will be wrought in the hearts and minds of my children by the example I have tried to live, the philosophy behind my life, and the meaningfulness of our lives together.

So a creed should be something more than what we recite in Church, or before a promotion board. It should be the words that succinctly and powerfully sum up our raison d'etre. Today creeds have been supplanted by overstimulation and the ideal of immediate gratification, for what else drives our maniacally capitalistic society but the money of the shallow. No one ever made a dime from depth nor nobility.

Forty Six & 2 ... feels like a 0

2006-03-02T13:34:00.000-05:00

Sorry for not updating much recently, just having some issues that I would rather not put on public display. Keep thinking of me as that strong, impervious, opinionated, head strong, calloused soldier and sometime soon I may return to that.

Joe Takes a Dive

2006-02-17T08:22:00.000-05:00

Last night was a horrible night socially for me, the first of such since I've been in Germany. But there was one single shining bright spot in the whole mess. Or as I would prefer to look at it; one whole kernel still in the turd.

Five of us guys met up with five German girls, usually a good recipe but not tonight. So SpiderLord and I ended up trying unsuccessfully to find somewhere else to go. All of us ended up on top of this very small stage in a corner dancing to rather crappy music while a small sea of Germans danced balls-to-back on the floor. Not a great place to meet people, mingle, or talk since everyone stayed in their own exact spot the whole time. Anyway, we saw another soldier friend; Joe. You know him by now.

Joe lost a lot of weight and feels proud, so while he was up on the stage drunkenly dancing, he decided to remove his shirt. That gets noticed but not encouraged by the crowd. Then he dropped his pants around his ankles. Good thing for boxer shorts. He continued dancing on the stage while becoming the laughable topic of the crowd. Shortly before this, I had been joking with SpiderLord about going stage diving. We both laughed and shrugged it off.

Apparently one of our German girls didn't. Once Joe reached the fever pitch of ridicule, German Girl came from behind and pushed Joe forward off stage. Just enough so that he would have to make a conscious decision of whether to try to fight for balance or go with it and dive. He dove. He dove ungracefully into the unwilling crowd with his pants still around his ankles and his shirt in his hand. Two people apparently thought about trying to catch him. Two. So Joe had his fall slightly slowed by a few gentle hands.

Splat! Joe hits floor. We all started cracking up, the entire place. Joe gets up, totally pissed once he realized that we weren't laughing with him. He scanned the crowd on the stage for the culprit but German Girl ducked in behind us.

Poor Joe, left with nothing but to pull up his pants and try to regain some dignity. Never underestimate the greater misfortune of others to make you realize that your current situation isn't so bad.

Kill ALL Those That Insult Islam

2006-02-03T23:12:00.000-05:00

So said a muslim protester's sign in regard to recent Danish cartoons. I felt the need to do the analysis of the situation for you all, here it goes....

"Islam is a peaceful religion" and we'll kick your ass to prove it!

Screw them, here are the outrageous Danish cartoons. America's "Freedom of Speech" and "Freedom of the Press" has hindered their reproduction for the American citizen. Enjoy.

Gallagher Was Not Muslim

2006-02-02T11:26:00.000-05:00

One thing that has always been missing in the Muslim world.....humor.
One more reason I can't stand these people.

Impressionist? Does He Do Nixon?

2006-01-29T23:37:00.000-05:00

Today I spent trying to put some culture into my life. Carnealian and I met Tonya in Philadelphia today to go to several museums, one of which was the Philadelphia Museum of Art (you've seen it in Rocky). We walked around gazing at Picaso, Monet, etc., until we came to an atrium with benches. Me being me, I had been trying to make lame-assed comments about the art in an attempt to be what some would call "funny". Typically, when I would say something like, "Monet probably thought he was a photorealist but was just myopic", T or Carn would just look at me in disbelief that they were in a public place with me. Then it happened.

Sitting on that bench between T and Carn, I quite possibly said the most inane statement to ever come out of my mouth besides "I do." Carn said that the building across the street, also named the Philadelphia Museum of Art, was probably the Rodin (pron. 'Roe - dan') exhibit. To which I hit bottom with, "Rodin....didn't he fight Godzilla?"

Carn's head snapped around in Exorcist fashion as she blurted out, "WHAT!?!" with as much disgust and disdain as any woman can muster. I started laughing so hard because she made me jump. There we are, Carn thoroughly in disbelief, me laughing so hard that tears are squirting out of my eyes, and T sitting next to me shaking her head muttering "Gawdzirra". The girls walked away from me to save some face, but I followed. That is when it hit me how truly stupid that statement was....which just fueled more laughter from me. I must have laughed at myself for 20 minutes as they kept walking in fear of being kicked out.

One Man Can.....

2006-01-26T14:19:00.000-05:00

Jan Palach

"Do not be indifferent to the day when the light of the future was carried forward by a burning body."

Evel Kneval

2006-01-26T02:47:00.000-05:00

Learned to do wheelchair wheelies tonight!!! WhooooHooo! I rock. 6 more days of leave and I am squeezing in any guilty pleasure that I can. Open mic night tomorrow in Selinsgrove 7-9pm, I will be there. Join me at the Kind Cafe. I'll do some 4-wheeled stunts for you.

The Birth of a New Term

2006-01-24T07:15:00.000-05:00

Being away for so long provides you with the unique opportunity to get to know your children all over again. As for my son, Zak, he turned into a teenager while I was gone. Yes I had him while I was young, that's beside the point. Being newly single and my son a new teenager, the conversations can get interesting. Here is one such chat we had that made me wonder what kids talk about; especially since I am paying for them to go to Catholic school.

Zak and I are just coming home from a flirt-fest at the local mall and we are talking about just random things. I said to him that I wanted to make a t-shirt that simply said "Single Father" so that the ladies wouldn't mistake me when walking with my kids. Zak turned to me and said, "You should get one that says, 'FILF'".

I tried to maintain control of the car as I comprehended the fact that somehow my son ran across the meaning of the term 'MILF' and applied it to this situation. Also, because I was trying to hold back laughing. He blamed it on MTV or something, but I remembered then my days at the same school. No group of teenage boys is impervious to that kind of talk.

So, anyone wanna buy a t-shirt? $19.95

WWDD This Time.....

2006-01-22T23:47:00.000-05:00

Would you kick a deaf guy's ass? What if he felt up your girlfriend / wife and gave another close friend a hickey in public? What if he was dum or blind? What is your limit for ass kicking? I'll tell ya mine if you tell me yours.

And yes, this was a serious discussion we had the other night while partying. Real people, real situations....

One Reason

2006-01-21T17:26:00.000-05:00

Why I am proud to be a soldier.....

Why I Bought a Nikon D70s

2006-01-19T01:30:00.000-05:00

My friend Mike plays at open-mic nights at a local bar. Nice little place. I thought I would support my friend by showing up and snapping some pics for him. But then I remembered why I bought the camera in the first place:

Dude: "So, what magazine do you work for?"
Me: "uh, why do you ask?"
Dude: "Well, with a camera like that, you obviously are a professional. So what magazine?"
Me: "uh, depends on how many women want to know."
Dude: "These two....."
Girls: "Yeah."
Me: -smiles-
Dude: "Maxim?"
Me: "uh, yeah, sounds good."

Later on someone else asked me who I worked for because of the camera. I told them the U.S. Military.

and another reason.....

4 degrees

2006-01-17T11:47:00.000-05:00

Back to some politically based discussion....

Since I hit ground in Germany, I have noticed that I just can't bring myself to watch the news anymore or hear reports on activities in Iraq. I can't even bring myself to watch the videos I made. When asked to play them for people, I walk out of the room. I still feel naked without my machine gun at my side, still dream about being on convoys and being around Iraqis. My driving has surprisingly adjusted quickly. I was worried that I would find myself driving down the middle, swerving from roadside trash, but no. I know it will talk a while to 'normalize' - whatever that means in my case.

Previously, I had alluded to certain situations in the war that just seem to smell rotten to me. One in particular I just can't bring myself to resolve, I just don't see how this fits. Here it goes...

Standing at LSA Anaconda during a convoy mission, I started to look around at my surroundings. Knowing that Anaconda is bothered by a "mortar attack" daily; sometimes 1, sometimes up to 3 or 4, I began to wonder from where these insurgents were launching their attacks. Several questions popped into my head that I stil ldon't understand. First, if you had a cache of dozens or hundreds of mortars as they apparently do, why would you only launch a few at a time? That's not an attack, that's just being a pain in the ass. And second, it is a pain in the ass with no result because they rarely ever hit anything. Seemingly they launch from the same vector daily and hit the same relative nothing. So why launch so few at so little so frequently? Geurilla warfare is intended to wear down the enemy by attrition and erosion, understood. But this is just negligible. At worst when 3 mortars hit, an alarm goes off and we don our full battle rattle to walk around in. Wow.

So as I stood there looking around, I realized that I was maybe 50 meters from the perimeter. That perimeter consisted of a chain-link fence wrapped in razor wire, with a single guard post. On the other side of the fence was the paved road we travelled in on, then a field of watermelon or something. Probably a 1/4 mile from my location then, on the other side of the field, is a fig grove thick enough to hide in, deep enough to hide a mortar tube behind. So quickly calculating distance and cover, I realized how easy and effective it would be to launch mortars from the other side of the fig grove since exactly behind me was some of the most dense area of buildings and people on Anaconda. No way you couldn't hit it. Plenty of farmers milling around in those fields all day, all night. Too perfect. Then I remembered some things.

It still bothers me that this situation is on my mind. The fighting in Iraq does not make sense. I don't mean us being there is illigitimate, I don't mean war is stupid. No, I mean that the type of, amount of, and locations of the conflicts just do not add up. What does that mean to me? Easy, a grand theatrical production for the purposes of money laundering and backdoor imperialism. The greatest shame is that so many of us have suffered or died for these activities. Paranoid? Maybe, but I can't explain what I've seen anymore.

Drunken Weekend

2006-01-16T21:34:00.000-05:00

So I have been introduced to one of the coolest bars ever, The Hardware Bar. Thanks to carnealian, mattandriver, and Tracie for being the 3 greatest wingmen I've had to date. Unfortunately, no one brought a camera to the activities so we had to wait for the drunken photos when we got back. Here is just a few safe pics....I was asked to NOT post pics of Tracie but I think I can be persuaded if someone asks me nice enough.

Just Messing Around

2006-01-12T18:36:00.000-05:00

If you've been reading Carnealian's blog, then you know that I just got a new camera. I've been taking some random pictures to get used to all the settings and controls and I thought I would share just a few of the less uninteresting. Here it goes....

Click on image for Larger version

An der Flugplatz

2006-01-05T16:25:00.000-05:00

Ok, my Block Leave should be starting within hours as I board a flight back to the States. Once I get settled in there the blogging should resume.

In Memory of PFC John Steenge

2005-12-30T12:41:00.000-05:00

I never wanted to salute a friend's boots, but I did so tonight. I don't have much to say about it right now. Things have been crazy since I touched ground on civilized soil and they may just start slowing down soon. Crazy when your friend dies. Been a hell of a year.

Bullets nor bombs can kill a Gladiator.

Dorman - Evans - Steenge

The Good, The Bad, The Ugly

2005-12-26T14:59:00.000-05:00

First, I want to just state that the frequency of my blog updates will be a bit erratic for a little while as I go through "re-integration" with the Army and "dis-integration" in my personal life. My primary task right now, personally, is the division of my old married life from the newly born "my life". Cathartic, stressful, necessary. Anyway, let me begin....

GOOD: I knew I had no family to greet me when I returned, but I had plenty of time to deal with that notion. I hoped that my neighbors, the Richards, would b able to show up since I didn't even know if I had a ride home. They marched us into a big tent, behind a curtain. We could hear the crowd getting excited as they played some video of us downrange. Then the curtain opened and the crowd went wild. No one there that I knew. Drink water, drive on. Found a ride home thankfully. When I entered my building, I was greeted with a wonderful sign on my door. Someone Cares ;) Frau Richard did a wonderful job of welcoming me home and making it easy for me the first few days. I was set up with food and (good German) beer in my refridgerator, TP for the throne, and my key. She did this all on top of helping me with my residual bills while I was downrange. They both have been wonderful friends to me and I can't thank them enough for being there to help me during my tough times.

BAD: On Christmas Day, my friend whom I spent time with downrange, was found dead in his barracks room from alcohol poisoning. He was young, too young. I won't release any details at this time, but it has hit our whole company hard. This is the second friend of mine that has died after a movement. The first was McKaig who was killed in a car accident right after AIT, before he even reached his duty station.

UGLY: Here are a few pics of the trip home.
Dorman and James on the C-17

Inside the belly of the beast

Me in our tent at Anaconda

A picture that says it all. My friend Darius longingly looking at a photo of his wonderful girlfriend as we sat waiting for take-off.

50 Weeks

2005-12-23T21:19:00.000-05:00

I am home :) Will write more tomorrow when I sober up.

Not Just My Imagination

2005-12-18T12:09:00.000-05:00

21 Nov 05, US News & World Report, cover story.

Also, days away from Deutschland. Jesse James cancelled an appearance at Anaconda, where I waited in line for 90 minutes to take a picture. Living in a tent and out of 2 bags for more trhan a week. Had a night terror the first night to which I awoke when my head smacked the cement floor, knocking me almost out. Hurt for days. Looking for advice on a next duty station, please help me with that one.

All Elements on this Net...This is Gladiator 2. Be advised that 2 with be off net for several days. 2 will broadcast when back on Net. Gladiator 2....out.

CHILDREN OF THE GRAVE. a three part series

2005-12-03T16:59:00.000-05:00

So you children of the world, listen to what I say
If you want a better place to live in spread the word today
Show the world that love is still alive you must be brave
Or you children of today are children of the grave.

- Children of the Grave, Black Sabbath

Part 3: Opposition Symantics

In this final installment, I will try to present another aspect of the war, how it is assumed by Americans, some analogs for consideration, and then hopefully a cohesive explanation for my stance on Islam. I forewarn that the material is a bit dense so I will leave this entry open for an extended period of time.

I had alluded to the nebulous nature of our enemy in most areas of Iraq in the previous post. This began a new train of thinking on my part about the existence, focus, and driving force behind the "isurgents". It is my assessment from watching American news networks that we maintain troop levels here to secure the country against "insurgents". Sure there is that inexplicably slow process of electing a government, which we did last January, and are doing again in 11 days, but the reason fed to the populace is to defeat the insurgent movement.

Maybe I am overstepping with that last statement. I can't remember hearing the term 'movement' associated with insurgents; implies too much organization and purpose. What is the purpose of the insurgents? To disrupt? That is not a purpose. If it were a legitimate purpose then the insurgents would have been disrupting Hussein's secular government, also. They weren't. So what is the purpose of the insurgents? That is the dangerous question because once accurately answered, will unravel a much larger scale war. A war that only one side is truly willing to fight and die for.

It all began with a documentary about the rise of Castro in Cuba. Wednesday I walked into the shop and it was on TV, so I watched it. Fascinated by how much I was finally being told about the rise and work of the Cuban dictator, I started to realize how programmed we are to believe things in the name of Patriotism. I believe true patriotism comes from the honest integrity of the nation's society and not some pablum propaganda fed to us through the media. So, the documentary came to the point in which castro betrayed Che Guevara to protect himself. Che, though Communist, was a revolutionary and an icon in the realm of guerilla warfare. By definition, he was also an insurgent.

That is when the symantical game being played became more obvious to me. Insurgent has been presented and infused with a negative connotation. From the Wikipedia: When used by a state or an authority under threat, "insurgency" implies an illegitimacy of cause upon those rising up. In South America in the 1980's I remember them being called guerillas and our government funding specific (terroris t) rebellions. Even earlier in history, we Americans called them heroes.

I started my research on terrorism, insurgency, guerilla warfare, and government overthrow. There seemed to be nothing new in the existence of the current insurgency in Iraq, many conflicts in the 20th century were either based on insurgency, or insurgency was a factor. The difference apparently was the lack of an admitted unifying purpose for their actions. How could this be? Are these insurgents nothing more than disgruntled citizens showing their displeasure in copycat fashion? The level of insurgency here is amaturish in comparison to any other. Giving them the title 'guerillas' would imply too much legitimacy. The term 'terrorists' is not close to being appropriate since it is not terror they are promoting to disrupt a foreign government or society, it is their own. And also, most of the targets selected are military or political. A few are chosen to outrage as in the case of the Iraqi school children blown up near an American HMMWV. The 9/11 attackers were terrorists, the London bombers also. These folks in Iraq are guerilla by definition.

Guerillas, insurgencies, rebellions, conventional military operations all need a unifying ideology through which to communicate and base mission goals. It is no coincidence that the insurgent attacks in Iraq are all within the same realm. It is also no coincidence that events such as this happen. I have been blowing the horn of awareness since I started this blog and much longer before that in person. The common thread is too obvious for us to accept. It isn't an accident that immediately after the 9/11 attacks, the President responded by reassuring the American people and the world that this is not a war on Islam. But it is.

How much reactionary opposition I have taken by people for years when I point this out. Amazing to me that the most vehement opponents to this idea are people that have the least interest in islam, the Middle East, military, or foreign policy. The hardest critics have been whitebread suburbanite caucasions christians surrounded by white suburbanite friends and family. Astonishing that mostly they parrot some news piece touting tolerance towards islam. Why so much attention to something that is not the poblem? Imagine as a parent, walking in to the kitchen and seeing your 4 year old son standing by the cookie jar. You say, "Hello", he says "I am not hungry for a cookie" and stands there smiling. Hmmmm.

But it isn't simple. We are not trying to defeat islam much in the same way we were not trying to defeat Nazism in WWII. Along these lines of political thinking, we supported Nazism for many years, but we opposed the annexing of Europe to Hitler's Germany. Analogously, we gain nothing essential by trying to defeat Islam, while we must make it a factor in our fight. Why? Because that is the anthem that the uprising proclaims. They proclaim after every act that they did it in the name of Islam for Islam. We ignore those statements.

Obviously the insurgents desire some result from their actions. That result has never ever been revealed in the American media in a truthful manner. It is my summation that the insurgents want to install a sovereign islamic government, autonomous and self-derived. Arabic peoples are proud to a fault by western standards. The presence of Americans is an insult to their cultural sensitivity and the hand holding we provide in the development of the new government is seen as a thin veneer for American Imperialism. Right or wrong, it is hard to deny, especially looking back on our own history. We would have accepted no outside intervention. We westerners see a need for security and support to facilitate the democratic process. This language and conceptual set is as foreign to them as is being shown the bottom a sandal would be insulting to us. And they don't trust us because of Israel.

The reason we as a nation cannot admit that it is a war against Islam is simple. The answer is 1.2 billion. Even a decent percentage of these muslims being sparked to any action would be disasterous for the US military and western culture. The world system would very possibly implode.

The insurgency in Iraq specifically started out with the intent to reinstate the Ba'athists' control over the region. Orchestrated by Hussein before his demise, the insurgency was political in purpose. Once that was dealt harsh blows, Al-Qaida in Iraq was formed and mobilized to aid in the resistance. al-Zarqawi formed this sister organization to Al-Qaeda for two simple reasons; self-glorification and islamic beliefs. Hussein's troubles gave al-Zarqawi the opportunity he needed to gain infamy on the world stage. After the Ba'athist-fueled insurgency waned, the islam-charged rebellion began. Islam became the tool for recruitment, the justification for the deeds. But Al-Qaida in Iraq is not a terrorist group, it is a guerilla movement.

The symantics influences how we view al-Zarqawi as well as the insurgents themselves. Calling him a Leader of the resistance is too Romantic to keep public opinion neutralized. After all, we don't want to see t-shirts with the glorified image of al-Zarqawi being sold at Spencer Gifts at the mall, do we? The western masses must not be sparked into thinking for themselves on foreign policy matters. Luke Skywalker was the Rebel Leader...leader of The Rebel Alliance. How popluar would Star Wars be if Luke was referred to as the Terrorist Mastermind....leader of the Insurgency? We root for the underdog many times, and many times it is because the underdog is right or has some qualities we can identify in ourselves. I do not find anything honorable in the insurgency, not in Iraq or Afghanistan. I wanted to point out how we all need to be careful of symantics and how powerful labels can be.

This post was inspired by a Freedom Fighter that I respect and admire for his conviction to his cause and his resolve in effecting his deed. Jan Palach brought attention to the Soviet invasion of Czechoslovakia in 1969 by means of public self-immolation. An everyday man can stand up and make change in the world.

Suggested Disillusionment tool: Lies My Teacher Told Me by James W. Loewen

Lost and Left

2005-11-30T14:54:00.000-05:00

Just taking a brief left turn from current topics on my mind to expose a more human side of my recent experiences. I have gone through a lot of angst this year in how I view my participation in Operation Iraqi Freedom. Depending on the scope, I have differing attitudes towards Iraq, its people, the 'enemy', and our mission.

Today, we did another CLP mission. Expected it to be business as usual but the initial briefing took a different tone. SSG Cunningham briefed that the locals had become increasingly aggressive due to two factors; the massacre of innocents last week by those goddamn idiots in the 3ID, and the ego-driven aggression of the 101st's Band of Brothers wannabes. First, those dumbasses in the 3ID deserve to get their heads handed to them for being so stupid and scared behind the trigger. No excuse for that, none. They pulled hat little stunt in the same area we do our CLPs so now the locals who were calm and passive really have something to hate us for. Second, the Rambos that came down here posing as a well trained high-speed unit have stirred up more hostility from the locals. I posted before that a few had gotten killed within the first 2 weeks of their arrival here at Caldwell. Understandably so, unfortunately, when you start off with guns-a-blazing. Let me explain. No one cares that they are the 101st. Haji doesn't watch Band of Brothers. So when the 278th left, who were relatively respected amongst the locals, the 101st came in with a sneer and an attitude that they'd show those Nation Guards wimps how to do it. Sure did. Here's a story relayed to me from a soldier that knows the SF commander:

"We have been doing sweeps and patrols for some time before the 101st came here and thought they would take over fully. Instead they asked us (Special Forces) to assist them on some sweeps. We agreed and began a night patrol of a local town. Both teams formed the perimeter around the group of houses where we were to search. The 101st guys had us go in instead of them. So the SF team did a sweep of a few houses and found nothing but cooperative people. On the way back to the trucks, someone on the .50 cal started lighting up the home on the end and screaming at the top of his lungs. The SF ran over to stop him and then got out of there. No one saw a threat, the gunner just got spooked."

How professional. Some may have thought that I am overboard wanting to face the fight, but remember that everyone is better off with someone that respects the combat. Fear has no place down here. Besides, how can you lose your balls behind an M2? Disgusting.

Why does this happen? Two main reason; fear and facelessness. Fear is obvious, some kid gets behind a .50 cal and loses all perspective that an unarmored minivan full of people is NOT a VBIED and no match for an up-armored HMMWV. Similarly, firing on a mud home in the middle of the night because you may have seen a goat move is simple cowardice. At best, these residence have AK-47s. If there would have been insurgents found with RPGs then the SF would have been dragging them out.

Facelessness is what vexes me. Over the course of the year, we've engaged in discussions about who the enemy really is and how to size him up. I recently stated the enemy is a ghost. That is not to say the enemy does not exist or is just an illusion, although I do think that the threat has been sadly overstated. The enemy, and dealing with it, is akin to the boogeyman. As a child, you hear stories of this dangerous creature called the boogeyman that somehow pops up in your room when you least expect it to do you indescribable harm. No one has ever seen him and lived, no one can accurately describe him or prevent him. But he is rumored to be there at any time, any place. Same with insurgents. For most of us, we never get to see the enemy face-to-face. Doing so would allow us to measure him up, identify him, make him real....mortal. Some get to engage the enemy directly and root him out. I admire those soldiers that can root out the real enemy instead of making an enemy like the 101st has seemingly done.

So this all effects my CLP team and I because the usually docile locals now are acting more aggressive and 'stupid' when they see us coming. Vehicles blocked our way in traffic, stares from pedestrians were notably hostile. The lead truck TC emptied a magazine and then some in warning shots just on the trip home. "They can't tell us apart from the 3ID or the 101st, and I can't really blame them." said SSG Cunningham in the briefing. I agree. If those pesky Canadians opened fire on my townspeople, I'd be one of the first out there leading the resistance. Enough said.

Today, I was faced with a fleeting quandary. As we were leaving Cobra Gladiator 9 came across the radio with a warning, "Watch out for the child in the road!" I spotted a small boy no more than 4 years old running across in front of our speeding HMMWVs. He stopped on the opposite side of the road and stood there as we went by. I initially thought that he was just another convoy fan, like so many other Iraqi children. But as my truck, the last truck, passed, I noticed that the little boy was crying at the top of his lungs. That's when I noticed that there were no Iraqi adults around....anywhere. Outside Cobra is nothing but flat field for as far as the eye can see; a few mud huts a significant distance up the road. I wanted to stop, in my mind the risk was minimal, but I couldn't stop the convoy. Where would I have taken the boy anyway? I can only say "stop" and "hello" in Arabic anyway. So we drove on past.

Coming next, the conclusion to Children of the Grave.

I'm no Picaso but....

2005-11-30T14:43:00.000-05:00

Explains a bit. I guess I have a year's worth saved up. Watch out ladies!

CHILDREN OF THE GRAVE. a three part series

2005-11-27T18:42:00.000-05:00

Children of tomorrow live in the tears that fall today
Will the sunrise of tomorrow bringing peace in any way
Must the world live in the shadow of atomic fear
Can they win the fight for peace or will they disappear?

- Children of the Grave, Black Sabbath

Part 2 - Justification for "Staying the Course"

Bill W recently enumerated The Plan on which we are "Staying the Course". I suppose I heard this so often and saw things so differently that it lost its meaning. But Bill captures it completely when he states:

1. Appointed Interim govenrment, June of 2004;
2. First elections for interim government, January of 2005
3. Select delegates to draw up constitution, and draw up the constitution
4. Government ratifies in August
5. Iraqi people vote up or down in October of 2005.
6. If passed, elect first permanent government December of 2005.
7. In the meantime, train Iraqi Police, National Guard & Army (and hopefully, since you are there, you won't fall for the "well it only takes us six weeks to train recruits, what's wrong over there?" For those that have not thought it through, we send recruits through an already established program at already established bases, and then they integrate into already established armed forces, which have already established NCO staff and Officer staff and already established bases, uniforms, equipment, supply chain, etc, etc, etc.)
8. As they get better at standing up, we stand down. You yourself talked about that happening, and every day you can read about it on the milblogs.

I can't disagree at all with this, but I will express some concerns that I think need examined. Again, this is just my point of view, how I see things, how I try to compare apples to apples to make sense of my contributions during this year of my life. This is not a criticism of Bill W. I have tried to show, first hand, how 159,000 Americans are going to waste as many are sitting idle here. Maybe if we were better managed and utilized then I would have more faith in the veracity of such an Exit Plan. Most of us seem to be here to justify our own presence. We've had several FOBs that consisted of our Signal soldiers providing communications to another unit who was there simply to provide security to our signal unit. Think about that one.

In essence, the soft point is #8. Subjective evaluation of any military operation is dangerous. How safe is safe? Let me try to compare some real statistics to hopefully provoke thought and discussion. Murder rates from Camden, NJ, a city of only 80,000 people, in 2003 recorded 41 while Detroit, MI, a city of nearly a million, killed 366 of its residents. Already, between those two urban centers, over 400 Americans lost their lives. To compare, in Operation Iraqi Freedom 2115 Americans have lost their lives since the initial invasion. The population of Iraq is very roughly 1/10th that of the United States. Comparing the total murders of Americans by Americans in America, 12,658 in 2000, to a proportional 7000 American deaths in Iraq (2115 * 10 (population factor) / 3 (years)) per year, lends one to see that I am actually less likely to get killed here than if I visit an American urban center.

What scale can we accurately and ethically judge the safety of Iraqis and the security of this nation? Baghdad murder rates are lower than in American cities. Iraq murder statistics. I am not alone in thinking this a bothersome comparison.

"At some point the Iraqis will get tired of getting killed and we’ll have enough of the Iraqi security forces that they can take over responsibility for governing that country and we’ll be able to pare down the coalition security forces in the country." - Donald Rumsfeld

That is a hell of a standard, as I have stated several times before, and a hell of an evaluation methodology. Now we are supposed to believe that providing a timeline bolsters the morale of the insurgents. So. We all know that the war presented on the evening news is a facade for what really is happening. I could accept an Exit Plan or better yet, a Mission Plan, that included some real measurable final goals. The process seems to be defined somewhat but not the completion stage. I say WE set the timeframe with the milestones, then mandate that the Iraqi government fit to OUR process instead of how it currently is. We need to say that they will have this done by this time. They need to meet this standard by a certain date or our aid will dissipate and THEIR nation will fall apart. That's motivation.

As a final thought to instigate some debate, what if the Canadians saved us from ourselves by invading due to American crime statistics? Clearly we are not a "secure" country as we define security here in Iraq. Our porous borders are a flaw worse than the Syrian border. What would you do as a responsible patriotic citizen if you woke up to a Canadian tank rolling down your street one morning? Do Canadians even have tanks?

CHILDREN OF THE GRAVE. a three part series

2005-11-25T06:00:00.000-05:00

Several topics have come together and begged to be examined. Information presented alone is often far different than that same information presented in the light of other ideas. Over the next few days, I hope to provide Eyes-On level info with a large amount of rhetoric in hopes of challenging your stance on this "war", the government, the media, and how you allow yourselves to be swayed. I present none of this as conclusive or as the only correct point of view.

Let the disillusionment begin....

Revolution in their minds
The children start to march
Against the world in which they have to live
And all the hate that's in their hearts
They're tired of being pushed around
Andtold just what to do
They'll fight the world until they've won
And love comes flowing through.

- Children of the Grave, Black Sabbath

Part 1 - Troop Levels and Base Closings

Much debate has been happening lately over an Exit Plan. From what I have seen, the opposition calls for a drastic and complete removal of all troops while the current administration wants to "stay the course". We all should know by now that the "course" they speak of is undefined to anyone outside that clutch.

I avoid watching the corporate media news as much as possible, but sometimes in the DFAC I am forced to watch the circus sideshow that is displayed as American Culture. The information you are being fed is wholly inaccurate and painted for you in such a way as to have you not doubt or second guess. Numbers are thrown around with the intent to shock and justify, but when comparing apples to apples, the numbers become insignificant.

Troop levels are not the only measurement for progress in Operation Iraqi Freedom. But the media and government want you to believe that it is the sole issue. Sure I agree that fundamentally we need less of me and my friends here in this country, but how many of us is not a direct indicator of how secure Iraq is. Apples to apples, would police levels in Los Angeles dictate the crime level there? Still crime in L.A. but has the government moved to increase cop levels until all murder is eliminated?

Here is a fact that may not have been reported on the news. Several Forward Operating Bases are closing or will be turned over to the Iraqi Army within the next 90 days. I know this first hand, the FOB I have been living on is one an more within my AO (Area of Operation) will follow. This was scheduled way before any Exit Plan debate came to the surface. Does this mean troop reduction? Not necessarily, but it should show that the IA is making progress in being in control of their own country. My battalion is pulling out and being replaced by another element of greater size. Troop levels won't decrease but the number of idle soldiers will.

Commercialization as the goal of "The Reconstruction" should be one of the main factors in determining progress. So far, much has been said about a conversion from our military assets to civilian technologies. There seems to have been little focus on a development for Iraq and more a edification of some of our current FOBs. My picture entitled "Evidence of the Reconstruction" was obviously lost on some of you. The potent statement intended with that picture, besides its tastefully rendered artsy feel, was that in the 11 months I have been a coerced citizen of Iraq, that is the only change I have seen besides laying some asphalt to repair a road. Farther north, civilian/commercial systems have begun replacing our communication equipment. I would deem that a gigantic failure. The new systems with their new high-speed technology are barely operable. Delays on the phone line all but prevent a conversation. Connections are down for days, even though the distance the equipment is handling is less than a 4 mile radius. The new systems only seem to integrate with the existing communication systems when the moon is full on a Tuesday. And it took them the entire time I was here to accomplish such a back flip. So where's the improved infrastructure for Baghdad, Tikrit, Mosul?

What is the news feeding you? What are the protesters really protesting and is it accurate? Anyone remember Aghanistan?

Triptophanic Genocide

2005-11-24T11:57:00.000-05:00

It occurred to me today that throughout this whole deployment the normal, unthought of facets of daily living erode the most. For instance, it wasn't until InterstellarLass wished me a Happy Thanksgiving did I realize A) it was Thanksgiving, and B) what day of the week it was. When every day is exactly the same (to quote mattandriver who quotes Nine Inch Nails), there is no need to differentiate between a Tuesday or a Sunday. Anyway, Happy Thanksgiving and thank all of you for your support. Thank you even more to those that have screwed me over and/or unnecessarily criticized me; you make me stronger - without you I couldn't show how right I am. To all the indifferent....eh, it doesn't matter anyway.

Updates
- Roughly a month until I will be back in beautiful Deutschland.
- I am hoping to be Boots-On-Ground in Sunbury, PA, on or before 30 Dec 05. Some know why. If you don't, then don't worry.
- My missions for this week fizzled and were changed. So, the exciting missions in to the hot spots turned into the Combat Logistic Patrols that we usually do.
- I just got a Playstation Portable, hacked it already and am loving the games. Yes Zak, got all the ones you asked for ;)
- If you are in the Pennsylvania area and would like me to come talk your local school or group about Iraq and the deployment experience, please ask. I will be giving some presentations to my alma mater (my kids' current school).
- The Rev. is looking for motivated people to help with a movement. Please stop over and show the man some support.

Coitus Interruptus

2005-11-21T14:55:00.000-05:00

(or How to Successfully Pull Out When Screwing People)

I don't usually watch the news for the same reason I typically don't read Dungeons & Dragons novels... fantasy fiction just does not appeal to me. But lately, while sitting in the DFAC wasting time during a meal, I notice the news reporting that Congress or some ballsy Dems wish to have an Exit Plan. What an idea, who woulda thought? All sarcasm aside, this is a strategically prime time for my boss and his cronies to end this mess. Here's how it works:

1. Someone gets fed up enough with the eratic leadership and non-answers to finally give up on debate and call for a blatant removal of troops from Iraq.

2. Nominal resistance is shown by those in charge to provide themselves a chance to test the waters of public opinion.

3. If harranging becomes loud enough, Bush throws his hands in the air and says, "OK, I submit to the will of the American people. I am a man of the people. America and Amricans come first. I will bring our sons and daughters home."

4. Troops are removed en masse leaving Iraq in a state of shocked chaos.

5. Bush's public approval rating goes through the roof.

6. Not that it matters to anyone, but Iraq collapses and becomes a wasteland until Islam comes back in to rule with an iron fist.

7. People see the results in Iraq, become disgruntled again with Bush and begin blaming him for the situation in Iraq and the low opinion of Americans through the rest of the world.

8. Bush points fingers at the Dems for coercing him to bring the troops home prematurely against his original plan of "staying the course". This is repeated enough by the puppet news agencies that the American sheeples believe it.

9. Bush absolves himself and his cronies for the sake of historical immortalization.

10. We all win. Iraq doesn't really effect Americans any way. Right?

Book Review: MY WAR by Colby Buzzell

2005-11-18T20:20:00.000-05:00

What follows is a a review of a book submitted to my by Penguin Publishing. I apologize up front that the review contains harsh language. I assure you that it is not my language, it is necessary quotes from the author. Apparently, my review is unique. Enjoy.

MY WAR-
Killing Time in Iraq

by Colby Buzzell

A Review by D. M. Dorman

Brief Review

According to the front cover, “Colby Buzzell is the voice of a generation. We can read a thousand dispatches from Iraq, but we will never know the war – or ourselves – as we will after reading My War.”-Robert Kurson, author of Shadow Divers. That is the standard by which I will measure this book.

I read this from a fairly significant perspective. As a currently deployed Active Duty soldier, I have gone through all of the training (and more), all of the pre-deployment processing, and a year's worth of war in Iraq. I have been to many of the places Buzzell recounts and done most everything Buzzell has done except enter into a firefight. Therefore, I am intimately familiar with the topics he presents.

Having said that, this might possibly be the worst book that I have ever read. That includes the first book I ever read, Curious George Goes to the Zoo. Why such a harsh critique? Because the book is essentially empty; lacking any substance or merit. Plus,much of the information Buzzell tries to convey to the reader is inaccurate and poorly presented. Buzzell's apparent intention for this book was not to enlighten the reader on the situations which he faced or present any depth of thought but to promote himself and his book. Anyone reading this to find a new view into the real situation in Iraq will be disappointed as Buzzell spends more than 300 pages with pointless vignettes in an apparent attempt to prove to you how “cool” he is. There are very few stories of “a soldier in battle”, instead there is a plethora of disjointed tales. Not until more than 300 pages have gone by does Buzzell tell a story and give some emotional reflection on the scenario and his role. Too little, too late.

The title is a true misrepresentation of the content and purpose of the book. I expected either a soldier's personal reflections on the horrors and thrills of battle or a soldier's personal introspection while thrust into a year of mind numbing duty. The reader is provided with neither, though the opportunity is there for Buzzell to expound on his experiences, he stops short by trying too hard to be a wise-ass. There is no struggle, no climax, no denouement, no depth of character, and very little opportunity for the reader to connect with his experiences.

I suffered through reading the entire book as a duty to give it a complete review. If Buzzell is a “voice of a generation”, then that voice is babbling incoherently. The book is truly an annoyance to read, with its format and writing style inconsistent and theme unclear. I am still uncertain of the message Buzzell is intending to convey. Most of the book seems to be about the book's development and his own self-aggrandizement. Is it blog or is it book? Buzzell copies & pastes both together unapologetically. Buzzell short-changes himself by not drawing on the strengths that made his blogging notable. He focuses too much on describing how great his writing is without providing samples of that great writing. Many blog entries are included, but Buzzell needed to delve deeper into the goings-on behind those entries. The focus should have been on his experience in Iraq and not his blogging in Iraq. Target missed.

Maybe I missed something, maybe I am out of touch, but the whole experience of Iraq offers so much more to a reader that Buzzell gives. I truly hope this is not how the American public sees the military experience.

For a deeper analysis of the book, please read on.

Analysis

Part One

Part One is a series of disjointed vignettes that could be and should be summarily removed from the book. As a matter of fact, it only serves to display the vapidity of the author. Buzzell spent a total of 2 years in the Army, which hardly makes him any form of subject matter expert. He does not overtly claim to be, but his use of terminology is intended to have you believe so. And many times he uses terminology incorrectly and in a purely self-aggrandizing manner. Let me list a few of my favorite peeves from Part One:

Style – Very conversational, especially if you were conversing on a corner in the ghetto. People speak in a certain way, that does not mean that it is also a good choice of writing styles. This is not fiction, like Catcher in the Rye, so the apparent use of the extreme vernacular for character development is unnecessary and detrimental to the overall tone of the book. Could be that Buzzell is trying, in a very immature manner, to impress the reader with how cool he is/was. I understood early on that he was, what the Army calls, a “shitbag” and had hopes of finding a real purpose for Part One. I was left hoping for a transformation into a real soldier with a purpose and point-of-view.

Vocabulary - Fuck – Yes, “fuck” and all variations thereof are gratuitously and annoyingly overused. There is actually a vignette (pg. 34) entitled such in which Buzzell proudly reveals that the was
corrected for his overuse of the word; to which he responds disrespectfully to the NCO, as Buzzell cowardly walks away. This is a totally pointless vignette, possibly included in an attempt to impress some 15 year old rebel kid, but just adds to the annoying stream of empty vignettes.

Audience - Reduce the number of pages in the book. The copy I was sent for review contains 354 pages. I estimate that the publisher could get the book down to an even 300 if someone would simply remove every instance of the word “fuck” and its derivations. To quote, “I was sick of living my life in oblivion where every fucking day was the same fucking thing as the day before, and the same fucking routine day in and day out. Eat, shit, work, sleep, repeat.” Again, possibly very impressive to that 15 year old rebel kid, but I don't even care to maintain a live conversation with anyone that speaks this way. Why would I want to read it?

Consistency – When creating the tone and theme for a book, it is important to be consistent. In the vignette entitled Hometown Recruiting (pg. 27), Buzzell states that he was “totally and completely embarrassed” that he had to walk around in his Class A uniform at a local junior college. But later on Buzzell curiously states that “it was the first job he'd (sic) ever had that he (sic) was proud to do, like he (sic) no longer had to worry about being embarrassed...when someone asked...'So what do you do?'” (pg. 38).

Accuracy – If there is one peeve that tops self-aggrandizing it is the authoritative use of incorrect information. Buzzell excels at this, once again, in a style that is apparently intended to impress the reader instead of convey an idea. So many inconsistencies exist, I will just pick some glaring ones. First, he continuously refers to the machine gun as a “M240 Bravo” (pg. 48 et al.), when in fact it is an M240 B. The “Bravo” is spoken as part of the Army's phonetic alphabet and not written. Makes no sense to write out “bravo” when a simple and correct “B” will suffice. Next Buzzell states that the “M4 rifle fires a 5.56-caliber round”, when in fact it fires a 5.56-mm round. The caliber is close to that of a .22 rifle. Most blatantly, in the vignette 'Tied Down', Buzzell claims to “dig something called a Hastings fighting position.” It is a “hasty fighting position” and is the most fundamental lessons in perimeter security taught at BASIC training (section 071-326-5703 of the Soldier's Manual of Common Tasks, Skill Level 1). This isn't a simple misspelling, this demonstrates a clear lack of understanding. Keep in mind that Buzzell is 11B, infantry, and all this should be his subject matter expertise. He even claims that he “studied all the training manuals and field manuals that he (sic) borrowed from Sgt. Vance, he (sic) read them and reread them, and took down notes, and even copied an entire training manual word-for-word so he'd (sic) have it memorized... And surprisingly, he (sic) was able to memorize the stuff by doing this.” (ppg. 38,39).

Part Two

Part Two of the book shows a marked improvement of style and content but still shows many irritating inconsistencies. Now, not only is this section broken into vignettes, it also has dated segments interspersed. Overlooking this indecisive and rather meaningless construct, I found the beginnings of purpose and substance. I thought Buzzell finally got around to addressing some real subject matter. In a way he does, much more successfully than any attempt in Part One. He now has some framework in which he displays his ideas so that the reader is not left trying to figure out what to understand from disjointed vignettes. Herein lies the beginnings of plot. Herein is also where I begin to enjoy reading this book.

That is not to say that Buzzell had completely corrected his stylistic and informational problems. Maybe it is the fault of an under-educated proof reader, or rally the slack writing skills of Buzzell. In the vignette Hell Is My Destination (ppg. 86-91), Buzzell presents a character named 1^st Sgt. Mayo. Several things are wrong with this. First, the proper title for a First Sergeant is either fully expressed as such or using the abbreviation 1SG. Sentences later, he refers to 1SG Mayo as Sgt. Mayo, then First Sgt. Mayo. All three variations are flatly incorrect. Again, that is drilled into trainees' heads during BASIC training.

Buzzell, though, does begin to draw the reader in to an otherwise fairly accurate scenario. The processes that soldiers must endure during the pre-deloyment and deployment phases truly are that trivial and mind-numbing. Buzzell is dead-on with the trainings, convoys, billeting, safe stops, and missions; finally giving the reader and inside look at the experience. But it ultimately proves an empty experience since he does nothing with the information.

Part Three

Buzzell's writing style begins to mature here and the reader can now find a scenario being painted. His vocabulary cleans up, which There is a story lurking here somewhere that never really takes a substantial form. The problem of disjointedness is still present while form is less inconsistent. Buzzell leaves the reader unfulfilled by not adding more than a superficial look at the events he describes. We never get into Buzzell's head deep enough to understand how the vignettes relate.

There is no consistent format in which Buzzell's information is passed to the reader. He switches from vignettes with titles, to chronology, to copy & paste blog entries, to other sections with headers; all seemingly randomly chosen. Also, Buzzell becomes much too self-serving by providing at least three different stories of how he was praised by his Chain of Command for his outstanding writing skills. Is this a book about how great the book is? Let the reader be the judge.

Part Four

Buzzell finally ends the string of empty disjointed episodes by relating his personal angst over his role during a bombing. This is the first story which exposes any depth of character and provides the reader with the opportunity to formulate a response. Too bad it is just prior to his departure from Iraq. The book then ends on a story as vapid and superficial as the previous parts. When you expect an emotional and meaningful recollection of his return to the States and reunion with his wife, you, the reader, get another braggart story of Buzzell's immaturity and lack of self-control.

The story gleaned from this book is not the story told but indeed is found in the difference between what Buzzell tells and what the reader should justifiably expect. Overall the book becomes a testimony to Buzzell's desire to promote his 'cool' facade. The writing could have easily been done by several different writers, as it appears to be significantly dissimilar in skill and style from section to section. The book lacks refinement and homogeneity, as if it was presented as a rough draft from a word processor. If this were Flowers for Algernon then that characteristic could be claimed as a device of character development. But this is non-fiction.

What's a Motto with You?

2005-11-17T15:18:00.000-05:00

Occasionally, I change the motto under the title of the blog to fit my mindset or the current trend of my posts. After the tragedy of my R&R, I posted the motto “Vengeance is Redemption, Violence is Prayer”. An original quote from me, I caught some serious flack from readers that were put off by my apparent adoption of violence as a solution, or because I draw a connection between violence and religion. Many emails were sent with brief explanations as to the origin and meaning, but none satisfied the hardcore. So, here it is, the long explanation. Be prepared to be vexed.

Let me break some things down to fundamental pieces. Christianity is the primary religion of the west. Christianity is an Abrahamic religion being derived from Judaism. Islam is an Abrahamic religion also, having written its history in parallel to Judaism. Almost all of the people that have commented on my blog fall under one of these three religions, or have been raised in one of these traditions. On the surface, Abrahamic religions denounce violence in any form. But history and current conditions show that that claim is quickly forgotten. Abrahamic religions have spread throughout the world, not on merit, but by domination by the sword. The Bible records thousands of years of Jewish history that complements western history.

How is this germane? Boil down Abrahamic religions to their thinnest substance and what you have is a God commanding prophets and armies to eliminate peoples with extreme decisive prejudice. Many stories contain commands from God to have a city of people that have offended Him, wiped out as their justice. God even states that he is a vengeful God. Jonah, for example was a reluctant prophet, charged by God to warn a city to repent or be destroyed. Jonah resisted and fell out of favor with God who then promptly put him inside a fish. Jonah was then redeemed to the Lord by changing his mind, prophesying to the city, and preaching about the promised genocide if they refused to listen. Vengeance was the vehicle for redemption.

If vengeance, being the summation of the act, is redemptive then violence is the process through which it happens. Destruction of cities and genocide are not accomplished through peaceful means. By definition, these acts are violent. Prayer takes many forms; internal dialogs with God, ritual acts such as animal sacrifice, redemptive acts. Prayer is the method through which the supplicant begs favor of God for redemption. Vengeance has been brought about through violence, hence if vengeance is the redemptive act then violence is the actions taken. This means that all those people that chatsised me for my apparent pro-violence stance, claiming a religion as their basis for opposition, do so in ignorance of the religion to which they subscribe. I understand the desire people have to create a basis for a non-violent existence. I fundamentally do too. But rewriting religions, history, philosophy or selectively believing parts thereof, is intellectually dishonest.

In my personal situation, I apply this principle concretely. My children and myself have been greatly wronged and have been forced to suffer the unavoidable repercussions. I seek redemption through vengeance – an evening of the score. Many precious things have been taken from my children, myself, and my life at no cost to the thief. The reconning will not occur over dinner and a conversation. Without vengeance, we are victims and the perpetrator is rewarded for his actions to be encouraged to take again. Vengeance, we are scared to admit in American society, is a necessary course for the correction of misbehaviors. Like gun laws, without righteous vengeance the wrongdoers prey freely on the sheep. Not me, never.

Now, the current motto “Disillusionment is Mandatory” is not only a credo for my life, it is also a rule for reading this blog, as well as a command to the readers thereof. Enjoy, and unplug from the matrix.

Welcome

2005-11-14T00:07:00.000-05:00

I'd like to take a moment to welcome a new link to my link-list: Rev. Billy Bob Gisher

The Rev. runs an amazing blog whose title succinctly sums up my view of humanity - less people less idiots . Prepare to be entertained as well as challenged. Check it out, and don't miss reading my favorite entry while you're there.

Open Ended

2005-11-13T23:55:00.000-05:00

Getting on the Chinook was, as usual, a quick and orderly process. The key to it all is giving up any and all personal attachment to your luggage. We walked up to the rear gate of the copter in single file. I had more than the usual amount of gear since I was once again transporting equipment to northern Iraq. Luckily I was last in line; my equipment would be near me and I sat at the end of the row. This allowed me not to be rubbing thighs in a soldier sandwich, small consolations. The best part was that I sat next to the tail gunner and an open rear gate.

The Chinook is pretty much the cadillac of the Army helicopter world; there is plenty of room for people and storage, plenty of power, and a smooth ride. This, like most all the other flights, was at night. Since the 101st took over, the flights coming in and out of our FOB have been almost exclusively under cover of darkness. Makes sense. The birds fly without the flashing tag lights like fixed wing aircraft, so they are much harder to target.

I buckled in to the end seat on the right side of the bay, a load of gear separating me from the soldiers across the aisle. The gunner raised the rear gate slightly to put the gun and his seat at a better angle. I hardly noticed as we took off. Peering out the open tail, I could see the Iraqi landscape painted in subdued shades blue-gray; the lights from Caldwell blurred by the engine's exhaust. My mind started to wander, amidst the drone of the rotors, and I found myself watching mile after mile on non-descript land roll out under us, dotted occaisionally by a light from a mud house. Amazing how normal this all has become to me. I had to make an effort to remember the initial thrill of my first helicopter trip. I've lost perspective. What is thrilling? What is dangerous? What is fun? What is risk? All now is just mission.

Behind us, the black smudge of our Blackhawk escort swung across the night sky. My daze broken by the movement of the tailgunner as he sat on the lip of the rear gate, feet dangling outside. Turning his head to scout outside the Chinook, his eyes shone with the ghoulish green glow from his night vision goggles (NVGs). He seemed at that moment alien, and the scene surreal. Here we were in the middle of the night, the only light coming from the nearly full moon. The drone of the engines hypnotizing us. The vast Iraqi landscape visible through the open tail. And me, a few hundred feet about the ground, ten feet from the gate's edge, held in by a single strap seat buckle.

Would have made a perfectly dreamlike scenario except for the bag. Sitting on the end, in my opinion, is the best place on the Chinook, last on - first off, and none of that "should I give him the ass or the crotch" decision making when squeezing past another soldier. But someone didn't take out the damn trash. So, hanging above my left ear was a half-full kitchen garbage bag flapping in the wind, banging me on the shoulder. Annoying. I fumbled around in the darkness with my gloved hand, to try to tuck the stupid thing under some webbing. No luck. I tried to ignore it for a while. No luck. Finally I was able to get the bottom corner of the bag to catch on something behind the seat webbing. Good. Back to the midnight daydream.

Just as I started to relax and drift off for a nap (soldiers are trained to sleep whenever not actively on task), the damn bag started banging me again. Worked itself loose. I fumbled with it again for a few minutes but it refused to get tucked back behind the seat. Then the lights came on. The crew must be doing something. Bright white bay lights, against the black night sky. Immediately and calmly the gunner stood up and walked over beside me, reached around the stubborn trash bag, and shut the lights off. Uh,my bad, I must have hit a switch accidentally and turned the whole bird into a humongous target for 5 seconds. I guess I will put up with the bag banging on my shoulder for the rest of the ride.

I could see the headlines: "Fully Manned Chinook Shot Down by Insurgents." Followed by, "In an exclusive interview, Haji said 'and as I pray with my RPG by my side, I look up and see a huge bright star appear over me. I knew it was divine intervention. I knew Allah was speaking. So I shot it.'"

Crux

2005-11-11T12:54:00.000-05:00

I have been reading a book by a soldier and blogger. I have read several other military bloggers, and a few things enter my mind. First, there are two basic types of military bloggers; bitchers and battlers. The first group I have absolutely no time for. Reading a blog that is entry after entry containing childish complaints about the first-line supervisor and inside jokes, to me, is a humongous waste of time and an embarrassment as a soldier. (I realize may of the people that dislike my blog or my perspective are rolling their eyes right now and swearing that mine is also a large waste of time...so be it.) The other group - battlers - produces such deep jealousy. Maybe not jealousy exactly but I definitely covet their situation.

I have done everything within my power to place myself into combat. I have volunteered for the convoy team (apparently the luckiest convoy team in Iraq because we've received essentially no contact except a blasting cap sized IED early on), I even was working on going out with the SF, 278th, and ING on night raids.

These battlers draw interest due to their ability to provide first-hand personal accounts of events that do not get covered by the media accurately. Many of the bloggers add thoughtful commentary, allowing readers a vicarious experience. Many just regurgitate the events in a seemingly disjointed manner. But these bloggers have raw, poignant material from which to form their entries.

I, on the other hand, see myself as an example of the majority of soldiers deployed. Coalition forces number nearly 150,000... US military comprising 130,000 of those troops. The vast overwhelming number of these troops are combat support, like myself. We provide communication integral to the operations. Others provide medical, food, or mechanical support. So many troops in so many different positions are currently deployed so that the small minority of combat soldiers can effectively do their job.

But our war is not the same. We fight a war closer to the human spirit. We endure the personal erosion of deployment; the long term ache instead of the quick sharp stabbing pain of ambush. I have lost everything except my children and my dogs; and all were mistreated. Time and absence is our enemy. We don't have many intense, flashy stories to tell. Ours is a more reflective role.

I started my blog to keep in touch with friends and family, to reduce the repetitive emails I sent, and for me to keep a record of my experiences here. By nature, I am contemplative; an observer. That is not to say that I do not get involved, on the contrary. But over time my perspective and understanding of my situation has evolved. In many ways it has become more personal, more private, more realized, more negative. Therefore my posts have taken a different turn. At first I was apprehensive and naive. I took in all the events as fresh and new and meaningful, as with the woman and daughter on our first convoy. Everything I did was new. Now, 10 months later, there is nothing new. Therein lies the source of ennui.

I have considered several times to open up and dump all my personal issues into this blog. But I haven't for a few reasons. One of the biggest reasons is that I wished to keep the blog topic/debate format. I've revealed some of my innermost personal issues when I saw them as relevant, as when I discovered my STBEW's infidelity and neglect of my children when I returned on R&R. But those topics don't hold much potential for discussion. I don't want pity and I didn't want this blog to become completely self-serving; my second reason. Lastly, there are a few folks that I work with that are regular readers. And though I try to remain void of office politics, I am aware of them. Becoming too honest and revealing can bring about a shitstorm. So the myriad personal battles I, and most other deployed soldiers, face have not been exposed.

Things are changing here though. I am receiving a new mission with new people at new locations. This may free me up to post more personal entries, as well as giving me new experiences to write about. I will be going closer to the hot zones, hopefully serving missions into locations you are familiar with from the evening news. A regular reader requested that I write about myself prior to my enlistment and the motivations that led me to my decisions. I feel comfortable doing that now and already have that in the process. If I have lost the momentum that drew the numerous commenters previously, then stay tuned for my redefinition.

Pretty Fly for a White Guy

2005-11-09T23:07:00.000-05:00

Again....bored soldiers with money. This clip features SPC Alan Kenyon skipping a few links in the food chain. I wish I had actual combat footage to show but I haven't been lucky enough to capture any. So, this is what I have and this is what you will get.

Video is in Xvid/divx format, roughly 6.3 Megs. As always, right-click on the link below and choose to Save Target As.... Do NOT click and try to stream the video!!

Kenyon Video

The Islamic Terrorist Name Generator

2005-11-09T19:59:00.000-05:00

In my incessant quest to have a genuine fatwa issued against me, I bring you the brainchild of my sick mind.

Please, when passing the link around, use this blog's URL as the generator will always appear at the right side of the page. All complaints will be completely ignored or ridiculed. This is what happens while I have been waiting for feedback.

The Islamic Terrorist Name Generator

Ever wanted to be part of the most active and well known religions on Earth but didn't feel like going through the whole conversion and training process? You too can make the evening news as just another worthless Islamic Terrorist (yes, it is redundant. Get a fishing vest, some explosives, and generate you Allah-approved martyr moniker!!

Call for Feedback

2005-11-06T14:00:00.000-05:00

Since we are entering a phase of our deployment that prevents me from giving too many details, I thought it would be an appropriate time to get some reader feedback. Why? Topics, and to take advantage of the unique situation I am in to answer questions and hopefully dispell myths / disinformation.

So, having said that I ask two questions. First, I would like to compile a list of maybe the 5 essential entries in this blog and post the links to he right. That way the new readers won't have to sort through the entire blog to find the gems. Please post the title of whatever entries you feel should appear on that list.

Second, there is so much that I have yet to discuss simply because I am uncertain what civilians, especially Americans, find interesting, curious, suspect, or inspiring. I am asking all readers to submit via email or by comment, any / all questions or topics they would like me to discuss.

To accomplish these ends, I am going to drop the comment posting restrictions temporarily to allow those without blogger accounts to post. I will stay on top of the comments as best I can to eliminate the inevitable spam that precipitated my move to posting restrictions. Also, feel free to email me if you are uncomfortable posting publicly. My email can be discerned by viewing my profile, finding what is listed under Contact, and putting it all together. That is my IM as well as email info.

I hope to hear from you all soon.

D

Everything I Needed to Know I Learned in......

2005-11-05T12:54:00.000-05:00

You know I am not into blog-tag or these games too much, but this one I lifted from Graven Images is kind of interesting. Instead of listing all the way through High School, I will only do my elementary experience. High School was uneventful and College was, well, college. So here it goes. Something I remember from each Elementary Grade.

Kindergarten: First day, in the parking lot, trying to rationally talk my mom out of sending me to this whole "school" thing.

1st Grade: Bob (sorry dude) raising his hand repeatedly to ask to go to the bathroom. Denied. Then Bob got up to go anyway and left a pool of urine in the contoured wooden seat....I was told by Ms. Novy that I will "burn in Hell" for trying to help settle an argument between two other students in class. (I went to Catholic School, so you can imagine what that's like for a 7 year old.)...being put in 2nd grade reading.

2nd Grade: practicing for a play with Chris Sabol, as the queen, and I as the king. Play called for a kiss. I vehemently objected.

3rd Grade: Mrs. Lieb cooking dirt for a science experiment, which stunk up the entire 1st floor of the school. I was taller than her.

4th Grade: Sister Roseanne would sneeze frequently. Since we were all smart-assed 10 year-olds by this time, everytime she sneezed we would all wave back in our one-piece desks, leaning back and yelling "Whoooooooooooaaaaaaaaaaaaa!". That lasted a day.

5th Grade: Had a cold most of the time. Blew my nose and showed it to Kelley Smith. She promptly told the teacher and I got busted. Girls don't appreciate mucus.

6th Grade: Met Bill Young and that started a new era. John Komara always had "extra spit" so we talked him into making this big huge spit ball made from the rough pulp C-fold bathroom towels. He chewed that thing for nearly 20 minutes in Science class before launching it at the side wall over the lockers while the teacher's back was turned. We all surpressed our laughter. His "super-spit" made that thing stick long after we left 8th grade.

7th Grade: During Science class we were learning about sea creatures. Octopi in particular. Greg "Gig" Poltonovage would say under his breath to Bob and I, "testicles?" every time the word tentacles was spoken in class. We all had to hold back laughter. He forgot himself and was called on. Obviously as he was reading, he accidentally said "testicles" instead of "tentacles" and was hauled out to the hallway for a talking to.

8th Grade: Mrs. Bzdil had us do sentence diagramming for a large part of the school year. I still think about sentences in that format. Got my first gray hair spot on the side of my head. Confirmation. Still an altarboy....Jimmy Kerstetter and me were the "Twin Towers" dwarfing Father Fennessy.

Welcome to Iraq! - love, Haji

2005-11-03T18:10:00.000-05:00

Well, history and pride and a cool series on HBO just does not buy you enough respect with the local Hajis. The 101st came to town and will take over this area as the 278th National Guard rolls out. For instance, there is a firing pit that we and the 278th have used for test firing before convoying. Well, we never had a problem. We even wave to the Haji shepherds that walk by as we pull in.

Not so gentle a reception for the 101st. Nope. Haji apparently didn't like their bravado and placed an IED in the firing pit which then blew the front end off a HMMWV. No one killed but one hell of a lesson learned.

I just got back from another multi-day mission to Balad, we expected some action this time since it is the closing days of Ramadan, but saw none. As a matter of fact, I was able to take a bunch of pictures (below) on the mission. On the way back home, we expected some action. None again, to my disappointment. But, when we rolled into the FOB, we were told that the 101st had been in the town we had just traveled through. One of their soldiers was killed. They just got here. Hopefully, the arrogance they had shown towards us upon their arrival will give way to good prudence towards the Haji.

On a lighter note, here is a collection of pictures I took on the mission. Click on pics for larger image. Enjoy.

Rare appearance of clouds in the sky. Soon the skies will change from the oppressively persistent blue to a depressing gray/white.

SGT Rawlerson on the .50 cal

SSG Cunninham, convoy leader

Me.

Evidence of Reconstruction

Iraqi school girls taken with my Salvadore Dali camera. Taken in the town that attacked and killed the 101st soldier. Before we (collectively) got here, this would have been a rare site.

An absolutely beautiful sunset Iraqi style. Photo unretouched.

Guard Tower.

Iraqi Women.

Got Milk?

2005-10-29T18:25:00.000-05:00

We get bored. We get daring. We make challenges. We do dumb things to entertain ourselves. Not only that, we video tape the events.

Iraqi milk is not anything close to the goodness of American whole milk, please keep that in mind. It actually gets shipped to us from Kuwait, not many cows around here and the ones we see don't look like they have any to spare.

But anyway, for your viewing displeasure, the Gladiators Gallon Milk Challenge. One hour to drink a gallon of full cream (whole) milk (15.5 boxes), must keep it in your stomach for 45 minutes afterward. There was money on the line....and pride. So, place your bets and watch the video.

Right Click and chose Save Link As...
Do NOT click and stream the video!!!

video is 20Megs, xvid/divx

Breaker 1-9 This is Teddy Bear

2005-10-29T13:14:00.000-05:00

Ya, just got back from another convoy. Finally had something mildly exciting to do....if you consider driving a gun truck through Iraq mildly exciting. Driving is so much more fun than being on the radio.

I know that I have not updated frequently enough, for some very basic reasons. I have yet to really recover from the events of my R&R; not that I should expect to overnight either. Life here is a desolate and abject experience. If you do your job well, there is less to do. We all do our jobs well here. Couple that lack of purpose with a profound existential emptiness and it is a recipe for stir craziness. But on to the convoy....

One thing I noticed was the number of Iraqis that showed support for us when we drove by, even after all this time of our strong-armed occupation. It is wonderful to see the little children, dressed in bright clothes, running to the edge of the road to wave to us. I wish I had bags of candy, like the parade floats, to toss to these kids.

I wrote previously that 'chicken' is my favorite road game to play. Mind you, I play only when needed. One Iraqi almost bought his ticket though......

We were driving through a lightly populated area which produced light traffic on the roadway. We own the road. We drive where we want, but usually in the middle while the civilians leave the surface to drive on the wide shoulders. We know this, they know this. So, I was driving the 2nd gun truck watching the lead vehicle split the oncoming traffic, when I noticed the gunner waving off a fast approaching car. It always pops into my head that this may finally be the VBIED I have expected. The car continued at the lead truck without slowing. At the last moment the car swerved to barely miss the lead truck. I was far enough back to watch the driver begin to gesticulate wildly and aggressively out the side window. He never cleared the lane and tried maintaining his speed. I perked up. Here was my chance to test this vehicle to see how much will he had to meet Allah that day. He started to come fully into the lane again, the lane that I now occupied, making aggressive gestures. I sped up. He saw me headed directly towards him. He increased his gesticulating and speed. I sped up and aimed. I had a vehicle behind me we were escorting, so if there was to be an attack on the convoy I wanted to take care of it. So I am driving directly at the vehicle now, roughly 65-75 mph, he's accelerating towards me but then thinks better of it when he notices that I am aiming for him. He pulls half off the road again and demonstrates more aggressive behavior. I adjusted my aim. At the very last instant, he cleared the road fully. I never left the surface but came within inches of his car; right behind the driver door to the rear bumper. He then stayed clear of the lane to let the following vehicles pass.

He must not have gotten the memo.

The "Way-Back" Machine

2005-10-27T19:13:00.000-05:00

Let's all get in our Way-Back Machines and roll back time 14 years or so. Here's the scenario....

Bob, Joel, Brian, STBEW, and myself have cookout at my house in Shamokin Dam, PA. We decide to go to a local pub just up the road, the Old Trail Inn, to see a rising local band play. I remember vaguely the singer because he hit on my STBEW while I was standing there, but all in good fun. I remember the band was loosely based in Northumberland, PA, while the singer allegedly attended college at Susquehanna University in Selinsgrove, PA. The singer was not a big guy, medium build really with long curly dark brown hair. Pretty boy. We all liked the music, was a little grungier than the other successful local band, Dirty Looks. The band had a strange name, I think it was multiple words which got eventually shortened as they became more popular. They put out a CD, picture on the back or inside cover showed the band sitting on the back stoop of a house in Norry, B&W.

Why Can I remember all these damned details but can't remember the name of this band. If you have a clue please respond. There has to be some local band trivia buffs out there from central PA. (How many times can I include "PA" in this post?) This is the kind of thing that I find myself thinking about because I have nothing but frikkin' time to do so. This deployment has been akin to the moment before one dies wherein your whole life flashes before your eyes.....but it has lasted for 10 months so far. Help.

Quipless

2005-10-19T12:13:00.000-05:00

Ya, no cute quip today, just an update. Went to the range today, firing is always fun. Today was the first overcast sky since April and a few spinkles actually made their way to the ground. I wagered that a full shower will happen by the weekend. It has cooled off a lot, at night it gets down to 75 degrees F. Days are only about 95 now.

My net connection is back and stable for once, so I feel connected to the world again. Conversely, I decided last night that I hated myself and every word that came out of my mouth. I stopped talking today unless I absolutely had to. I have become a pudding skin of mellow, wrapping a ball of vile rage. Seems to be working out for me...when in doubt - withdraw.

Walked into a building today (not like a collision) and saw my vendor buddy, Saddam. Coincidentally, the Saddam Hussein trials were on the TV. So we stood and watched them together for a few minutes. I asked him what he thought of Hussein, to which he replied with the knife-edge finger across the throat. War crimes....remember the good old days of war when the enemy leaders were shot?

Trust is a Haircut

2005-10-09T04:09:00.000-05:00

Faith is a haircut and shave by an Iraqi.

The Metaphor

2005-10-07T12:52:00.000-05:00

The IED that caused that crater would have taken out my side of the truck and me along with it. But strangely, I had no real reaction to that consideration; no fear, no shock, no feeling of fortune. Nothing except the idea that it signified something.

It only took me a few more moments to realize what that was. As we were snaking our way through the tight, bush-lined corridor toward the Tigris bridge, I came to understand that the IED blast was a specific, destructive event that had left lasting effects.

The metaphor began.

We continued for a few more kilometers through the threatening corridor, not able to see around bend nor any potential threat that may lie thinly veiled behind some foliage. That IED blast happened while I was not around, outside of my control, but yet disrupting my path, changing my life. That represented what had been done to my children and me during my deployment. The winding, blind corridor with vague unseen threats in all directions signified the time of feeling lost, violated, attacked after the news had been given us during R&R. I was blind to my future; what step was next, but forced to continue moving forward.

Then came the bridge.

Recently, I have been pulling out of the pervasive funk I had been trapped in since my return to Iraq. The other side of the bridge is clear and open, the road wide and visible. Traveling on from there, I saw the bigger metaphor; Iraq has been my marital life. Iraq started out beautiful and progressive, the cradle of civilization, a wonderous place to be. Then shortly after its shining rise, it stagnated; lost its way, became barren and unforgiving. For centuries, leaders and empires tried to raise Iraq to its preious stature, to make it a viable nation once again. But all failed. As my marital life suffered its destructive blows, so did Iraq suffer the toppling of itself as a nation at the hands of an outside uninvited force. Many said Iraq would be better off after the corruption had been exposed and removed, but now the nation lays in anarchic waste.

Mile after mile of flat, tan, barren land lay between me and home.

Iraq, and my life, awaits a time that actual healing and rebuilding of its own, by its own, can begin. The occupying armies, the facts and memories in my newly forced history, perpetuate the chaos and represent the first major step to overcome in regaining sovereign control over the nation, my life. Maybe we, as the occupying force, at the very least steel the resolve of the indiginous, making them stronger in the spite of our efforts and not in their subjugation. The painful details of the events that occurred to my children, myself, and my marriage have the power to build my resolve for a better future, in lieu of being destroyed by the shame thrust upon us.